


see you again

by intoxicatelou



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: And Tony Stark is Good and Doing His Best, Angst, Canon Compliant, Consensual Underage Sex, Edge Play, Eventual Happy Ending, First Meetings, First Times, Hallucinations, I'm Going to Hell, M/M, Mirror Sex, Peter Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Angst, Peter Parker grows up, Peter Parker is in highschool, Peter is kinky, Pining Peter, Praise Kink, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, Tony Stark is misunderstood, Wet Dream, a weirdly soft and sexual fic, again this is entirely self indulgent and i am completely projecting, but also romantic, emotional facefucking???, implied mental health issues, now ft manipulative ex girlfriend pepper potts!, peter gets to name a cat, peter is young ok like seriously, peter's submissive streak is the least surprising thing about him, sad but intense orgasms, sexual tension masked as dialogue, slight D/s undertones, slight humiliation, this is also casually sad, this love is all gooey and sticky like chocolate and also spiderweb, typical spidersuit sex, with my own spin and more sexy times
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 22:06:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11609901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intoxicatelou/pseuds/intoxicatelou
Summary: Tony Stark is hallucinogenic.or the one where Peter's been dreaming about Tony Stark since he was fourteen and then suddenly it's not just in his head.





	1. Peter

**Author's Note:**

> hello pals!!! so i've seen spiderman homecoming like 3 times and i just think there is not enough good peter/tony fic so here i am trying to provide to all of us who are going to hell. the title is an allusion to See You Again by Tyler The Creator which i would highly recommend listening to it. idk how long this will be, but a few chapters at least. i wrote this bc i literally wanted to read it and the concept of hallucination and dreams of people you want but can't have is too real. 
> 
> anyway we're all going to hell bc this is underage, but like nothing substantial is gonna actually happen between the real tony and peter until like peter is late 16 - 17 ish. there might be some sexual things b4 tho but no like real real sex u know? anyway again, if that bothers u, ofc don't read!!! i'm gonna jump through time here and there as i feel it bc again this is completely self indulgent and i just wanted to basically project my own pining issues onto peter whoops. thank you for reading and comments and kudos are appreciated. idk when i'll update but probably frequently. stay tuned and enjoy!

_You live in my dream state_  
_Relocate my fantasy_  
_I stay in reality_  
_You live in my dream state_

\- See You Again, Tyler The Creator

Tony Stark is hallucinogenic.

 

When Peter first wakes up fisting the sheets, a sheen of sweat on his chest, legs aching, his eyes are laser focused on the Iron Man poster on his wall. His dick is hard, like really hard, for the first time in his teenage life and while Uncle Ben had told him what to do god, Peter didn't want to think about those girls in those magazines or online. Besides his laptop was across the room and the feeling, the deep rush of blood in between his legs, he didn't even think he could make it. He was frozen with the sensation, wanting to touch, but the fear persisted. Uncle Ben had said it hurt a little, but in a good way, and Peter had no idea whatthat even meant. He had just turned fourteen and he hadn't even kissed anyone yet, and he knew this was a normal part of puberty but he couldn't help but focus on how weird it felt. How uncertain it all was.

 

Peter waits, tries to think of the most unsexy things ever like dead puppies and spiders and gum on the bottom of his shoe, but the tent in his boxers only dampens. He feels lost and hot, like the inside of sun, a machine out of control. Peter lets out of a soft whine,tears prickling at the corner of his eyes, and he wishes for the first time he wasn't so damn alone. If he had been cool enough to get a girlfriend like Flash he wouldn't even be in this situation because she would just take care of it, _take care of you_ , his brain adds, and the thought causes him to blush and arch his back softly. If someone was there to just take control and tell him what to do -

 

"Hi there Peter, you're looking a little flush." Mr. Stark's voice fills the small space and Peter's mouth falls open.

 

He knows it can't be real, that there's Tony Stark stepping out of the Iron Man costume, designer sunglasses and all, right in front of his desk. He pauses to stare amusingly at the poster Peter had pinned up there after his first Stark expo. "Aw you're a fan, I appreciate that."

 

"M-Mr. Stark?" Peter whispers, his teeth catching on the name.

 

"Yes, Peter.”Tony Stark turns to look at him, calm and a little dangerous. Peter notices he's wearing an all white suit, like he wore to the Met Gala a few weeks ago, the one that Peter couldn't get out of his mind.

 

It's so clean and out of place and he looks so good, Peter almost forgets about his problem until Mr. Stark starts walking towards him, eyes like lightning as he takes in Peter's body.

 

A rush of embarrassment flows through him, imagining his idol meeting him like this.It makes his body heat up a fraction more and Peter's ribs feel light weight at the attention, watches the flicker of darkness in Mr. Stark's face, as he looks at the Peter's red boxers stretching uncomfortably over his cock, the sharp still delicate lines of his hip and stomach exposed in sleep.

 

"Before you say anything Parker, I have to tell you - you are absolutely breathtaking."

 

There's something about the way he says it that draws a succulent moan out of Peter's lungs, a sound he wasn't even aware he was capable of making.Maybe because it’s Tony Stark, his role model since he learned what science was, billionaire play-boy extraordinaire who’s been with Victoria Secret models to maybe even Captain America, deciding that his scrawny teenaged body was _breathtaking._ The throb between his legs only worsens at the thought and his palm slides to his abdomen, trembling. His eyes flickered to Tony, still in his room, still watching,and Peter knows he should've asked _are you real ?_

 

Instead, he bites the pink of his lips and begs "H-Helpme, Mr. Stark."

 

"Well since you asked so nicely kid," Tony jokes and Peter swears he feels his bed tip when Mr. Stark takes a seat.

 

"Tell me what to do, please, it hurts." Peter feels shameless, feels rubbed raw, nerves crying from the lack of attention.

 

"Shhh calm down sweetheart, and just touch yourself."

"With my hands?"

"Yes baby."

 

The shift in Mr. Stark's tone goes right through him. It's molten honey and Peter's dazed beyond star-struck. He holds himself with fever hands, hears the gasp rather than sees it, eyes flickering a violent beat. 

 

“ _Peter_.” Tony Stark’s voice is inside his earlobe, biting down on the pressure point. “Tell me how it feels.”

 

"It's g-good Mr.Stark" Peter whimpers, a searing sound and Tony groans, teeth ghosting over his jugular.

 

"You're doing so well, Peter. I can't believe this is your first time. That no one else has seen you like this. You've been saving it all - just for me."

 

Peter writhes under the praise, the possessive tone making his fingers speed up. The slick slaps of his body echoes in the dark room, and Peter holds onto the second heartbeat he hears like an anchor. "Mr. S-Stark, I'm -"

 

"Mmhm what was that? You're close?" Tony's voice drapes over his abdomen andPeter ricochets hip upwards at the thought. Then a sharp press, "Peter, you're a good boy right?"

 

Peter's eyes snap open at the question and he's whispering frantically "yes yes yes I'm a good boy for you Mr. Stark god god I'm so-"

 

The tingling at the base of his spine is so loud he can barely hear. He wants to arch and scream and give in so badly, so so badly, but then there's his voice.

 

"Good boys only come with permission, Mr. Parker." Peter swears he stops breathing at that because he's right at the brink, staring down but unable to land. He can't focus on anything but how his eyes burn over the idea of being _bad_ for Tony Stark.He lets out a low moan, back set in a fixed arch and rolls onto his side. His lets out a pant, as he facesthe glitter of Mr. Stark's glasses. His beard is trimmed impeccably and his lips are full, his eyes blown beyond compare. All Peter can think is, _I did that._

 

"I'm so close, god I can't, I wanna be good please _Tony_ let me good." Peter waits for the reaction, doesn't know how the _Tony_ manages to slip out but he's rewarded by a hand in his hair, yanking back, the command "Come for me, Peter" bitten into his throat. 

 

Peter's mouth gapes as the flood of energy washes over him, his voice a broken chord of Tony’s name as his hips move uneven in lust. He bites his lip hard enough to taste iron and feels the breeze of Tony's breath more than sees it. He imagines the soft murmurs whispered into his ear, Tony's voice a rumble of "so good for me, you're such a good boy, Peter, you looked so fucking good, for your first time, so beautiful, baby" and blushes ashis orgasm fades out. He feels undone and put back together, gooey and insecure. The room stops spinning so much and he reaches to the left of his bed, only to find it cool like the air on his stomach. His fingers grasp empty sheets as he blinks a few times to realize he's alone again.

 

It takes finding the Kleenex box and cleaning up his mess for Peter to realize that it's just been his overactive imagination this whole time.The clock read 3 am and Aunt May and Uncle Ben were sleeping next door, unaware that their nephew was awake. There wasn't a single indention in his bed where he saw Tony sitting and no bite on his throat resembling Tony's mouth.His hands flitted around his body, begging for the evidence that it’d been real, but he found nothing. There was nothing, except air that smelled like sex and sweat. Peter stares at his ceiling, coming to terms with the fact that he was just another teenage boy who had  fantasized about Iron Man while getting off.

 

God, he was so fucked. 


	2. Peter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I might not be real, but it still feels good doesn't it." Tony whispers then, a delicate sound; private and a little heartbreaking. It's almost as if he read Peter's mind- which actually he probably did since he is a figment of Peter's imagination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter deals more with the hallucination and like why Peter is continually hallucinating Tony which surprise, surprise is because he's lonely and grieving and dealing with that poor mental health. it's got some angst but I promise sexy times are coming !! 
> 
> also this is totally unbeta'd and i deadass wrote this on a six hour road trip ON MY PHONE bc i can't stop thinking about this hallucination! Tony verse ahh. i guess it's helping me cope w my own loneliness lol. anyway thank u so much for ur kind comments and kudos and subscribes!! keeps me motivated :)))

_I'd rather fuel a fantasy than deal with this alone_

_I wanna sleep next to you_

_But that's all I wanna do right now_

_So come over now and talk me down_  
\- TALK ME DOWN, Troye Sivan

  
For Peter Parker, fourteen ends like a train wreck.

Uncle Ben dies, and Peter’s walking home when hears the gunshot. He finds the body in the living room, the burglar long gone, and it feels too horrific to be real. The funeral is a quiet affair, already pulling on funds they don’t have, but the entire neighborhood pitches in a little to help out. Everyone is mourning and it rains on the Friday they bury him. There’s no reception after, and he knows he should call Ned to check in, to repeat the same dense lie, _i'm okay i'm fine i can take care of myself,_ but his mind is whirring a hundred miles a minute and he just wants to be alone. May gives him a blank stare when he tells her he’ll walk home, and Peter should hurt, but he’s already getting used to it. He doesn’t even want to know what it’s like to lose the person you loved more than anyone.

Peter kicks at dirty puddles, walking through Queens as people rush quickly underneath awnings to avoid the storm coming. He feels a little bad that he’s getting Ned’s borrowed tux all wet but his body feels like it’s overheating from what’s happened so quickly. Ben’s gone. Like really gone, never coming back gone, just like his parents, and now all he’s got left is Aunt May.

When he ducks into an alley to loosen his tie, he doesn’t notice the spider until it’s too late. The bite stings, but considering the week Peter’s had, he just shakes it off and kills it before it could get away. God, not only had his uncle died but he just got bit by his least favorite bug, that too in the rain. How much more pathetic could he get? The tears in his eyes are unexpected and he brushes them off fast, gaze catching on the Avengers tower in the distance.

+

He makes it home as the sun starts to set, his mind a little clearer but still buzzing. He strips out of his wet clothes and lies there on his twin-sized mattress, in nothing but his damp boxers. It’s quiet, too quiet. Their shoe box apartment had always been small but never before so suffocating. Everything had changed now that Ben had died. May sobbed and screamed at first, hours on end of agonizing sounds coming from her bedroom, but what Peter found worse was the silence that followed.

He looks at his wrist, where the spider had bit him, realizing he should probably get some first aid on that when the headache starts. It's a dull throb that begins to grow instantaneously, Peter's body turning feverish. He shifts in his bed, tossing and turning, trying to get any cooler, almost kicking off his boxers but then stopping at the thought of May finding him in his birthday suit.

Maybe some water'll help. Peter goes to sit up, only to find his world turn sideways, the room spinning fast. The bite stings even more, also unbearably hot, and he wants to call out to Aunt May but his mouth feels full of cotton. His anxiety spikes and his breath comes out in gasps, the severity of the situation hitting him.

 _God, not me too, no no_ \- Peter doesn't want to die, but the pain that's slowly engulfing him sure as hell makes it seem like a viable option. His entire body is on fire, his muscles screaming to do something, but he can't move his legs. His skin feels like it's re-arranging and Peter doesn't even notice that he's sobbing until another gentle voice fills the room.

"Hey kid, c'mon don't cry." Tony's leaning against the ledge of his window, feet planted comfortingly wearing a pair of faded blue jeans that hang low on his hips and a designer dark shirt that's casually unbuttoned a little.

Peter blinks the tears out of his eyes, once, twice -

"Still here, Peter." Mr. Stark hums, as if reading his mind. He's not wearing his sunglasses for once but his face looks just as good as ever, and Peter's confused.

Like really confused because well, Peter isn't hard in the slightest, he even looks at down at his body, but nothing's different except the growing sheen of sweat over his limbs caused by the spider bite.

"Also not that I'm complaining, but maybe you should put some clothes on the next time I'm over. We really have to stop meeting like this." Tony Stark drags his eyes over Peter's frozen body and watches as the boy flushes a little under the attention, even despite the pain.

It's true. The hallucinations of Tony came frequently and at night but usually with a sexual agenda. Never like this, never pain-induced. Peter's mind whirs trying to think of the possibilities of why this is happening, maybe some sensory overload reaction due to the spider bite.

"I - uh - I think I'm dying." Peter gasps out, as another pain flare runs through his body. His head lolls to the side and Tony's kneeling by his side instantly.

"Well good thing that the world's #1 superhero is here to save you!" Tony jokes, and Peter actually laughs, surprised.

"I don't see Captain America anywhere. " Peter bites back, teasingly, and Mr. Stark makes a hurt sound.

"Ha ha very funny, Parker. Maybe I should just go."

"Please don't" Peter finds himself saying, because it might be messed up but it's easier to deal with whatever the fuck's going on now that Mr. Stark's around.

"So I _am_ helping." Tony's voice lies languid in his collarbone, the sensation causing Peter to blush. He runs his hands through Peter's hair as the waves of pain still crash into the boy, making him wince and choke on screams. But Tony Stark is there, crouched on his knees, obviously uncomfortable but mouth running anyway. He discusses his new projects in hushed tones to keep Peter's mind off whatever this spider bite has done to him. This goes on long enough that Peter loses track of time, the dark slipping further into midnight and the only glow in his bedroom comes from the full moon and the red of his alarm clock. It reads 2:15 AM when Tony asks gently, "Can you move your legs now?"

Peter almost doesn't hear him, eyes drifting close, but then there's a ghost of a hand inside his thigh and he shifts closer to the touch. He's alert within seconds, " I can, I can, I can oh my god Mr. Stark I'm not gonna die." Peter's entire body relaxes and Tony smiles as he stands up to walk to the other side of the bed.

Peter feels the slight pressure of a hand helping him sit up and looks left to see Tony sitting there. He looks so tempting. Peter wants to reach out and touch the soft feeling of Tony's shirt, to pull him in and kiss him first. He wants to repay the favor, wants to slide his tongue and taste. But there's something stopping him.

It isn't real. None of this is. What real is that Uncle Ben is dead and that it's Saturday, and the spider bite almost killed him. The billionaire genius with the deadly jawline next to him is nothing but an unhealthy and obsessive coping mechanism, a playground trick.

"I might not be real, but it still feels good doesn't it." Tony whispers then, a delicate sound; private and a little heartbreaking. It's almost as if he read Peter's mind- which actually he probably did since he is a figment of his imagination.

The older man runs his hands through Peter's hair, let his fingers jump along his jaw, and land on his pulse. "Tell me I'm wrong and I'll go away."

Peter wants to say something, anything, because he knows this is bad, sex is one thing but, this? caresses and jokes and actual human comfort in the form of a hallucination of his childhood idol and role model? He should say you're just a wrong set of nerves firing, get out.

Instead Peter looks at Mr. Stark with a sun-starved desire and asks, "Can you stay till morning?"

Tony's already started to unbutton his shirt, revealing honey-tanned abs in the lowlight, pulling Peter against his chest.

"You don't even have to ask."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always comments and kudos are appreciated!! let me know what ya think, do it for Peter's overactive imagination already helping him out :)


	3. Peter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter knows it isn't healthy because he's essentially just talking to himself and seeing things that aren't real will give any therapist reason enough to put him in some psych ward, but like, he's fifteen and things could be worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I've written most of this FIC on my phone but yes this has some #angst and I'm literally posting it bc I wanna get started on the next chap asap. As always thanks for the kudos and comments, I read every single one and I'm so happy y'all are on this wild journey to hell with me.

  
_When I bring you up to my lips_  
_It's always more than just a kiss_  
_And my head spins when I'm with you_  
_'Til I can't stand in my own shoes_  
_I keep you around_  
_'Cause I can't put you down_  
\- Can't Put You Down, Lonely Benson

  
Aunt May doesn't come out of her room for two months and Peter finds that Mr. Stark fills the empty space almost frighteningly well.

Peter knows it isn't healthy because he's essentially just talking to himself and seeing things that aren't real will give any therapist reason enough to put him in some psych ward, but like, he's fifteen and things could be worse. His uncle and only paternal figure he kinda had just died and that would be more than enough for some kids his age to turn to drugs. He doesn't even live in the nice part of the city, it would've been almost too easy. But instead of turning him into a full-fledged crack addict, the unhinged part of his brain makes Tony Stark appear across of him at breakfast in a red Armani suit looking like he just stepped out of a GQ magazine only so he can earnestly ask about his Spanish quiz.

As things are going right now, he'll take it.

+

Since Uncle Ben died, everything that had once felt normal in his life had changed- hallucinations aside. Not only was his body grieving in the most fucked up way it could think of, there was the whole new spider-boy thing to deal with.

+

It wasn't obvious at first.

The morning after almost dying, Mr. Stark was still there as promised. Peter didn't even have to look, he felt the warm pressure of a body behind him. He kept his eyes closed and let himself bask in the dream. The bed dipped slightly as Tony woke up and snuggled closer Peter, the weight of his arm lying pulling the younger boy close. Peter smiled at the familiarity of the gesture and was glad he didn't have school so he could just live in this quiet fantasy a moment longer.

"Morning cupcake," Tony whispered into the nape of his neck, a dry press of lips sending automatic tingles up and down his spine, Peter's moan automatic. "Woah, someone's sensitive."

It was true. He'd never thought of that part of him to be particularly arousing but after all that pain because of his spider bite, maybe his nerves are re-setting. He doesn't even have time to think about it much because Mr. Stark continues kissing his neck, open-mouthed and languid. Peter shivers at the sensation and pushes his ass back into where he imagines is the other man's crotch. The groan that he incites leaves Peter with goosebumps over his skin, nipples pebbling on instinct. Suddenly, Peter's on his back, arms pinned down by the force of the man above him. He doesn't even have to open his eyes to know that Tony's giving him that look again, the one that makes Peter want to throw up and ride his cock at the same time. "How are you real?" Mr. Stark asks in that sexy-morning rasp. Peter blushes, an intoxicating rose-hue .

"I should be asking you the same thing," Peter cheekily responds, and cracks open his eyes to watch the grin split across Tony's face.

Except that's not what happens.

Peter opens his eyes and not only is he alone but the room is spinning. Like really spinning, some sort of kaleidoscope nightmare he can't seem to wake up from. He's seeing things in and out of focus, vision zooming in on the dust on his floor to the entirety of his ceiling.

He's still feverish, and his hard-on is unmistakable. He wants to touch except his fingers feel strange and wait is the blanket stuck to his fingers? His eyes scramble close because it's too painful to keep them open. Peter stumbles to his feet, and that's when the sound starts. He drops to his knees, fingers clamping over his ears as his brain picks up every sound from what feels like the entirety of Queens.

Peter can feel himself hyperventilating and doesn't know when he passes out on the floor of his room, but the last thing he remembers is the warm sound of someone familiar saying his name.

+

Peter Parker's a smart kid but even then, it takes him a week to accept that the spider bite had changed him. He couldn't walk to class unless he had his earphones to drown out the rest of the sound, and while sleep had been difficult at first, it felt near impossible now. Everything he did, his senses felt as if they'd been dialed to eleven, his body a beacon for an overwhelming amount of data that only made his head hurt since he was still leaning to understand it.

Peter looked like a mess. He knew it. Ned kept giving him anxious looks in chemistry and tried not to bring up the dark bruise of purple underneath his eyes. MJ even tried being nicer to him than usual in physics, going as far as letting Peter copy off her notes last class. He could feel their worry seeping into his bones, but was too tired to even respond.

Peter wishes he could say that the worst thing was the constant insomnia or the migraines or the way his muscles felt rubber wrapped and new - but it wasn't.

No, the most terrible thing about this was that Peter had to deal with all of it _alone._

+

It's a sick thing to comprehend, but Peter... misses him. It's been days since his last hallucination and he finds himself replaying the morning memory before everything went to shit every night, desperate as always. Some part of him feels like he should've seen it coming, an affair with your own imagination sounds fickle at best but god, it'd been so good for a while - despite the anxiety  he would constantly face. 

Peter couldn't help but feel inadequate.

It used to confuse him , every time Mr. Stark showed up uninvited (before Peter remembered he's only there because Peter's brain needs him to be). It confused Peter because he was constantly waiting for the sting of it; the pain that was supposed to come when Tony touched down his chest, or told Peter he's gorgeous in that hot way when he's close, the suffering caused because he just knew how Peter operates, down to the very last second.

Peter was waiting, almost constantly, for this ghost he's been entertaining to finally hurt him.

When he stares at his empty bed, night after night, he bitterly thinks about how he got his wish after all.

+

It's driving Peter insane.

He learns to deal with his powers, slowly with a lot of practice, even going as far as deciding to make a suit. It's not like Peter's trying to be an Avenger anytime soon, but there's something ugly that rises inside him every time he thinks about his powers, and maybe saving people would take some of that pain away.

It isn't easy. He still wakes up wanting, hands reaching out into cold air thinking about the hot flesh of a body he once knew so well. Everything is overwhelming, but god when he comes, it still isn't the same.

+

Time passes, and his figment of Tony Stark feels more and more like a nostalgic memory.

Peter tries moving on, staring at the girls in his class, and sure Liz is real and beautiful but she doesn't have that billionaire smile that Peter still dreams about when he manages to fall asleep.

So he does his research.

Hallucinations aren't supposed to be _nice_ and ask about your math homework, he read online they can drive people to painful disassociation and insomniac episodes, therefore there's no real article about getting them back.

He finds it ironic because it's those exact symptoms he faces now that he doesn't have hallucinations. None the less, he tries.

Peter wishes and imagines and lies in his small bed, loosely stroking himself and whining "Mr. Stark" , putting on a show. He waits for his subconscious to do the thing and Tony to appear, slightly flustered and ready to pounce.

He thinks of the billionaire's teeth, the white dip of them against his hip bones, and the whiskey tones of his voice. Sometimes Peter even prays.  

+

(Once he came home and imagined that he saw a dip in his bed or heard his name in the window shutters, but when he turned to look it was nothing and Peter regrets ever trying in the first place.)

+

Peter knows his flaws. He's obsessive and increasingly compulsive and a little needy when he's tired enough to admit it.

Freshmen year is almost coming to a close, and enough time had passed that he should let it go. Aunt May was back at work and did her best to be even more involved in Peter's life. He's glad that he'd gotten a hand on his powers before so he wouldn't scare her.

It's been six months since the powers came which means six months since the last hallucination and it isn't like Peter's trying to keep track but he misses having a confidant. It almost felt like an actual relationship, or something of the sort, and it's embarrassing how much Peter still treats this like a break up. He throws himself into his work, school but also his night job as Spider Man, becoming Queen's friendly red-onesie wearing underground superhero, so much that he's suddenly all over YouTube stopping buses with his bare hands and fighting the local cat burglar.

Peter can't lie, he likes it. He likes the way New York tastes when he's flinging himself from building to building, likes the way he his body looks more like a weapon these days, likes having a distraction. Saving people and becoming an increasingly popular vigilante also have its perks, and Peter guesses he's becoming a real hero type theses days. There's the greater good but then there's Peter's own selfishness - the bruises heal fast, barely lasting more than a couple days but the fast beats of pain are sharp enough to keep his mind off his constant loneliness.  
+

Peter's walking home from school, earbuds in listening to the new alt-J song when he notices the car - a slick black Audi R8 2017 model that Peter's sure isn't even out yet.

Weird, he thinks as he climbs the stairs, a small alarm tingling at the back of his head but not loud enough to stop talking when he walks into the apartment.

"There's this crazy looking car outside-" Peter's voice catches in his throats when he sees Mr. Stark. He looks pretty much the same, except Peter thinks his beard looks softer and there's a shadow of a black eye on his face, almost like he was in a rush. He's a little shocked at all the detail his mind's coming up in front of him but the pulse of joy that goes through him looking at Tony after months of radio silence, it's strong enough to make him cry.

That is, before Aunt May starts talking and wait how did Peter miss that? His smile is quickly fading as his brain scrambles together to understand the situation. Tony's still sitting casually in his living room, but looking to Peter with weary eyes and Peter has to cross his hands to stop them from shaking so bad because _no no no this is not happening._

"Peter, you didn't tell me you knew Tony Stark!"

You know, the real one.

+

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what u think!!!! Pls do it so we can see Peter fluster over the real Tony Stark casually interrogating him.


	4. Peter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The springs groan and the mattress dips, so much that Peter is digging his fingers into his thighs to stop the blush from climbing up his neck. It feels personal, too much like a memory Peter shouldn't have lived in the first place, but God, Tony Stark is in his bed with him. And he isn't seeing things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this in the back of a car mostly and it was a little hard to write bc my mind is wild but anyway, hope u enjoy!! thank u sm for the kudos and the comments and the subscribes, i'm so shocked. i love reading the comments honestly they push me to work faster and get this all out of my head for you, so we can suffer together !!! 
> 
> also this chapter is dedicated to my real-life gorgeous billionaire tony stark dream boat to my weird angsty peter parker, Fee, who never fails to fluster me. thanks for being my behind the scenes partner for all this so far, and reading my sneak peeks. ur the #1 fan. i love u cool.

_Caught up in my dreams and forgetting_

_I've been acting like armageddon_

_'Cause you held me in your arms just a little too tight_

_That's what I thought_

\- White Mustang,  Lana Del Rey

 

 

"Peter Parker, Tony Stark. I think it's about time we met."

 

+

 

Peter wonders if he can tell.

 

He's never been a good liar and this entire situation is testing him. The bedroom is locked, because Mr. Stark did that and Peter's losing grips on whatever the fuck is going on very fast.

 

Tony Starkis touching his things - no one should be able to say _retro-tech_ and make it sound as cool as the billionaire does, all the time smilingwith his eyes, attentiondirectly focused on Peter.It's a little overwhelming but Peter can't bring him to look away because it's better than his dreams, and that's saying something.

 

If his hallucinations of Tony Stark were as memorable as Peter remembers, then Peter doesn't have words for this.He looks good, too good, but also weary with a bruise on his eye that gets darker the more Peter stares at it. Speaking of, he should stop staring. But.

 

He can smell the sweat, the dark expensive taste of cologne with an undercurrent of blood. Something's wrong but his brain's in no shape to dissect what Mr. Stark's intentions are. Thanks to Peter's spider senses he's pullingin all sorts of input ; he can feel the heat Tony's giving off, can hear the crinkle of his grey silk shirt, zoom into the curve of his collarbones. When Mr. Starkpauses when he sees the Stark Expo poster above his desk, just like in that first night, and while he doesn't say anything, just hums a little approving sound, Peter can barely take it.

 

If this if fate's way of saying, _Fuck You_ he's had enough.

 

"Look Mr. Stark, I think there's been a mistake because I didn't apply for your grant -" he stumbles out in a little rush, but then Tony's cutting him off, "A quick question of the rhetorical variety, this is you, right? "

 

Then there's videos of Spider-Man on Tony Stark's phone, various shots of him swinging around and the one where he stopped that bus with his bare hands, the tone in the room shifting automatically.

 

"You found all that stuff on YouTube right. It's fake. They did all that on the computer."Peter flounders but Tony's reaching up and that's his suit falling from the ceiling and _shit shit shit shit_

 

"So you're the... spiderling. "

"Spider Man"

 

Peter feels as if his voice has receded into the underlines of this throat, and there's a pregnant pause in the room as he snatches the suit back.

 

Tony just looks at him, a little amused and a little like he's a science experiment. There's something dark in the stare though, and it reminds Peter too much of how he used to watch his hallucinations.

 

+

 

Everything's upside down and he guesses it could be worse. A lot worse.

 

+

 

They talk a little about the suit and Peter brushes through about how his senses are dialed to eleven now and tries not to notice how Mr. Stark's eyebrow quirks at that.

 

He sits on his bed, knees shaking as he explains with a firm voicewhy he can't imagine giving this up, that _if you do what I can do and you don't then the bad things happen it's your fault,_ the poorly structuredsentence making Peter sound simultaneously like a kid hero. Yikes.

 

But Tony isn't cringing. He's listening to Peter like he's the most important person in his world right now. He's soaking it all in , the story of a kid who's just another ordinary thing for Queens with the exception of his DNA, with an understanding the very rich shouldn'thave, andit hits Peter that it isn't just a billionaire playboy he's talking to in his bedroom but alsothe body behind Iron Man. The Iron Man who's not only the unofficial official leader of the Avengers but also the man who came this close to death to save the entire world just a couple years ago.

 

Peter feels humbled, intensely so, that Tony Stark who should be probably be off somewhere saving people is asking Peter to move his leg so he can sit next to him on his creaky twin sized bed. _wait -_

 

The springs groan and the mattress dips, so much that Peter is digging his fingers into his thighs to stop the blush from climbing up his neck. It feels personal, too much like a memory Peter shouldn't have lived in the first place, but God, Tony Stark is in his bed with him. And he isn't seeing things.

 

He can hear his blood pounding in his earsthe sharp ache of which accelerates when Mr. Stark's hand lands alive and heavy on hisback, sliding till he's loosely holding Peter by his shoulder. It's beyond triggering, the entire position, but he finds himself leaning into it, because _it's been so long i was so alone why did you go ._ The pulse is radiating and Peter's pretty sure he's tearing a hole into his jeans trying to stop himself from doing something dumb like kissing Tony Stark on his cherry red mouth.

 

It doesn't help that the older man's searching his face like Peter Parker,average spider-boy next door, holds the answer that he needs. Peter looks at his shoes, his feet, his dirty rug, and tries to ignore the _thump-thump-thump_ of Tony's heartbeat which he can hearor the tell-tale sign it speeds up when he asks Peter if he's ever been to Germany. Which no, he hasn't and no he can't go he's got homework-

 

"I'm just going to pretend youdidn't say that", Tony says, like he's already gotten what he wants which Peter guesses, bed warm next to him, was to be expected. Nobody says no to Tony Stark.

 

+

 

Mr. Stark leaves with a promise of a plane ticket and _I'll see you around Parker_ pressed into the hug he gives Peter. Peter bites his lip when he's not watching, and walks him to the door, torn between watching Tony leave and wanting to ask him to stay.

 

"I'll call you. Or someone will. Anyway. " he says, but then pauses right outside the apartments door, and turns to face Peter, "One more thing. How old are you again?"

 

Peter freezes, "Fifteen."His voice cracks and Tony'seyes darken a little. Peter feels like he's been caught in a cross wire, his own sick thoughts hiding close in

his skin.

 

Mr. Stark breathes, murmuring "Just needed to remind myself", right out of earshot but Peter hears him anyway.

 

+

 

Peter can't make it to the shower fast enough when Aunt May leaves for her night shift. The itch has been burning inside him all day, the incredulity of what had happened finally settling in and his senses are spiraling.

 

He's hard enough that his boxers already have a wet spot in them when he slides them off his frame, hissing as the air finally hits his dick. The shower's on and that's the one thing about living in a two person apartment that Peter likes, they never seem to really run out of hot water.

 

He allows himself this one luxury, to let the steam rise to the mirror so it's foggy but not to the point that Peter can't see his own hazy outline.He steps into the shower, letting the water roll onto his body, eyes never leaving the mirror. When he gets like this, overloaded, it helps to see him, to turn his body into the spark of pleasure.If he thinks hardletting the hot water turn his skin into a flush on it’s own accord, he wraps a hand around himself finally. The small movement causes asharp sound to leave hismouth, but Peter’s home alone and can be loud. He doesn’t hesitate, and goes fast, on the edge for so long, he’s ready to fall. 

 

_Iron Man was in my bedroom and I wasn’t dreaming it up either_

 

The reflection of himself in the mirror is blurry andmatches how he feels right now. He can see the curve of his back, arching with Tony Stark’s name on the tip of his tongue. It’s so sexual and so so so wrong, but one hand splays across the white tile, the cool bristling his skin. Peter’s so sensitive, dialed up to eleven, twelve, countinghigher when Mr. Stark’s into play.

 

The shoulder which Tony touched aches with a phantom memory, and Peter knows he’s slipping. This casual disassociation is common after days which overheat his system, but that’s when the mirror comes into play. He just has to turn his head and see himself, see that this is one body not eight like spider limbs and it’s better.

 

“I look so good” he tells himself, lie burning his mouth a little, “I look so good for him.”

 

Him is the shadow of a person he imagines in the mirror across of him, the warm blooded body that could be anyone but usually is Tony watching him, with the glitter eyes. It’s not clear enough to be a proper hallucination, more so the stretching of a memory, and now he’s got a lot to work with since the interaction today.

  
Peter’s groaning, soft sounds, mouth shaped into an O- and he’s so close but he knows he’s waiting for something. He slips his fingers into his mouth, sucking before sliding his hands, lower, lower, lower and - _Tony, please._

 

When Peter comes,he bites into the same shoulder that Mr. Stark held onto. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again comments and kudos r appreciated, thank u sm for reading pals ahhh


	5. Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's staring and they're in a crappy elevator which seems to be inching slowly to the earth at a snail’s pace and Peter’s looking at him with a dark blush creeping up his neck, and Tony really should stop looking. He’s making the kid uncomfortable. Obviously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so so so so short i wanna kms but i literally just needed to put this here bc like i wrote this in a fever and like i dont know what to add to it whoops. anyway srsly thank u for reading !! i'll be back with an update soon that's way longer promise <3 and with more sexy times ;) so stay tuned. 
> 
> again comments and kudos r appreciated always and keep me motivated. i'm so shocked at all the hype this story has gotten but i'm so glad y'all are here with me for this wild ride! the sexual tension is r e a l !
> 
> this one's dedicated to bad boy stark in the comment section, u know who u r.

_I got the talent, the face and the funds_

_Found myself long ago but I haven't found someone (who)_

_Mirror, mirror on the wall (who)_

_The loneliest of them all (me)_

\- 911/Mr. Lonely, Tyler The Creator

 

 

“I’ll take care of him, I promise.”

 

+

 

It's been less than twenty four hours since he's last seen the kid and he's walking Peter to the elevator with all his things plus the new passport and visa that Tony had jumped through so many hoops to get. Happy's waiting with a car downstairs to take Peter to the airport and then Berlin. Tony'll join separately, still has to tweak the kid's suit a little for the battle they're about to go through.

 

Some part of him knows how ugly it is to bring a teenager out into the middle of this and that Natasha's not gonna let him live this down, but damn they are severely understaffed. The kid doesn't even know what he's really getting into, won't know until Tony has to absolutely tell him. He looks for the hint of anxiety on Peter, expecting it to radiate off in waves, but instead the only elevated heartbeat belongs to Tony himself.

 

"Everything okay, Mr. Stark?" Peter asks as they step into the elevator, voice a little uncertain. He’s wearing a loose grey t-shirt with his hoodie tied around his waist, eyes a little red with sleep and looking so much like the child he is that Tony can’t help the rush of guilt he feels at dragging him out of bed at 5 am.But the clock’s ticking, and there’s so much to do. So instead he says“Just peachy kiddo” fake-grin in place and gives Peter’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze as the elevators doors close, enveloping them into a comfortable silence.

 

That is until Tony Stark notices the violet impression of a mouth on Peter's shoulder.

 

It happens a little on accident. His hand lies warm on the boy's shoulder a second too long but it's when his faceflushes, a small gasp leaving Peter’s mouth,at the absolutely minimal point of contact that Tony realizes something’s off. It’s not like he’s the one with super strength so he doesn’t understand how he could have hurt the spider boy so he looks closer. When he first sees a red mark peering up from the shirt, Tony hears the alarm bells, thinks who he’s gotta blast out of the city, almost muttering to JARVIS to get on thatwhen he notices… there’s more. There’s another one, hiding under the soft grey neck of the shirt,more like a gentle burn, if fire could be tamed. But it's the one peering out on the fat meat of Peter's bicep that's stealing all the attention.

 

There’s no mistaking the hickey.Tony also knows as a verified adult he should take his eyes off the perfect indentions of it, the red rage of the mouth that had marked his- uh just any one's Peter. 

 

He's staring and they're in a crappy elevator which seems to be inching slowly to the earth at a snail’s pace and Peter’s looking at him with a dark blush creeping up his neck, and Tony really should stop looking. He’s making the kid uncomfortable. Obviously.

 

“Look Mr. Stark It’s not what- “

“That’s some going away present-“

 

They both start speaking at the same time, but Peter’s the first to say “What?”

 

Tony clears his throat, shocked at how unmistakably dry it gets when he’s got this fourteen? fifteen? year old staring up at him with eyes that are just so fucking _pretty._ And that's saying something because Tony Billionaire Bad Boy Stark doesn't call things pretty without a lie attached.

 

 _Anyway_. “I was saying. That’s some going away present. Did you tell your girlfriend you’re going to war? because like technically- Yes.But also, I' m pretty sure that’sa state secret andyou’re coming back. I’m making sure of it.”And sure Tony thinks it’s a little shitty he just assumed the kid’s sexuality because it's the 21st century and nothing annoyed him more when he was first thrust in the limelight but it’s better than imagining another grin eating boy touching Peter. High school boys were the total worst, or so he’d thought. _So he’d thought,_ Tony thinks when Peter turns cataclysmically pink in front of him.

 

“There’s - That’s.I’m flattered but It’s not what you think. There isn’t anyone like that, Tony-I mean. Mr. Stark. “Peter’s flush now, to the tips of his ears, and Tony shouldn’t find it as endearing as he does, because the kid’s barely a freshman in high school. _Mr. Stark._ It sounds so official and so not what Tony would expect to be the thing that gets to him.It's just that when Peter says it, he doesn't feel old, only reallyreally important. 

 

And he likes that. A lot.

 

"Well now I'm curious, Parker." Tony should shut his mouth, stop his tongue from licking his lips subtlety, just to test if Peter'll take the bait. (And he does. God, he does) Tony should be a decent human being and leave the elevator because it's about to open and there's no actual way Peter'll answer his question. (right ? right.)

 

But then. A sound,mixed between a whine and a promise, "I guess you could say I got carried away."

 

Peter just laid a card out and Tony's tucking it fast into the front pocket of his blazer because damn.

 

Damn - the boymight be more of a Spider- _Man_ than he thought.

 

+

 

Peter leaves with Happy, shrugging his hoodie on and waving goodbye to Tony as if the entire elevator incident hadn't even happened. He looks young as the sun rises over a sleepy Queens, and hugs Tony like he'll see him again. Which he will.

 

There are so many personal rules that Tony is breaking when he looks atPeter but also the last time he felt this good was when Steve had come home for the first time and needed him.

 

 _Do you need me?_ Tonythinks about this question often, because he's rich and smart and drunkenly dangerous. He wonders if there's anyplace he truly belongs - not just a hotel room people check into for their seasonal festivities - but the kind of permanent fixture that lasts a lifetime in a home. He wonders if people like him are allowed to be wanted like that, no tags attached- just the infinity of time.

 

Of course, it's these itching thoughts of inadequacy and fear of commitment, which lead him to the mini bar soon after Happy updates him that they've landed in Berlin and they are about to begin the tourist portion of the trip.Tony seriously considers giving the man a raise as the pictures of Peter posing with the Reichstag and eating bratwursts are saved onto his phone because he is man with little to no self control. 

 

The kid looks so happy, probably could have never imagined that he'd travel to the other side of the world in the matter of a couple days, without even having to pay a dime. It makes something soft rise up in Tony and he wants to take Peter around the world in his new prototype jet and let him explore every nook and cranny the universe has to offer.

 

"F.R.I.D.A.Y pull up everything we have on Peter Parker" He says, finishing his vodka with a slight grimace.He's still got three minutes before the plane's ready to fly him to Berlin and he can't help but feel a little curious about a kid he just met yesterday.

 

"Currently a student at Midtown School of a Science and Technology.Keeping an impressive 3.98 GPA while in several extracurricular activities such as Band, Robotics, Chess Club, -"

 

"Damn - do we have any data on his interests?"

 

"Well, based on his internet search history we see his top three hits are related to legos, chemical compounds, and tony stark."

 

Tony has to pause at that, a little flattered but also how? Everything about the kid was screaming Team Cap - his M.O being looking out for the little guy and all that.

 

"Sir, your plane is ready." F.R.I.D.A.Y speaks over his head and he decides to tuck away his feelings with the rest of his alcohol. It's time for battle.

 

+

 

When it's all over, Tony's hurting like he just tasted hell but not in the good way, and he thinks that's a good way of describing what Steve would do for Bucky.  James Buchanan Barnes. The Winter Solider. His parent's killer.

 

Who knew love and war were so related?

 

There's no real winner, everyone loses something except the accords are still in place and Tony's still not been put out of business. He's alone though. More than he's ever been, and he spends his insomniac hours trapped away in his lab, tinkering.   Even Pepper's stopped coming by, letting Tony drive deeper and deeper into his funk, and he looks at the world around him and breathes.   _Do you need me ?_ No. No you don't. 

 

That is. Until his phone lights up at 3: 15 am on  Tuesday night, F.R.I.D.A.Y.'S voice on the overhead, "Sir, Peter Parker is calling you." 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment and kudos so we can get closer to more dialogue between tony and peter and maybe accidental phone sex who knows whoops but no promises okay


	6. Peter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The unsaid words burn on his tongue and Peter debates telling the real Tony Stark that he’s been dreaming about him since he was fourteen, in less than decent ways, but that tonight he’d really put the hell in hallucination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hi hi okay so sorry for taking a hot second before updating but this is long i think and a great set up for all the sexy times coming up next !! it's basically half angst and half fluff and a whole bunch of self indulgent sexual tension masked as dialogue !! ~ also, if you're into the music in this fic i made a playlist on spotify that y'all can follow it's got all the songs so far and a few more for the upcoming chapters :) https://open.spotify.com/user/armeeyah/playlist/1EkbSdEcyo5L3vPsTvlKnw 
> 
> also warnings in this chapter for anxiety and panic attacks, plus some slight sexual assault-ish actions by a hallucination, so it's not real but also its angst and can make people uncomfortable ! seriously sorry how sad this gets for a second there, but also u now have a playlist and real sexy times ahead PROMISE 
> 
> again, wanna give a huge thanks to all the kudos, hits, and comments this fic has gotten it makes me feel so very loved and continues to drive me and write that good content for y'all <3

_Ooh woo, I'm a rebel just for kicks, yeah_

_Your love is an abyss for my heart to eclipse, now_

_Might be over now, but I feel it still_

\- Feel It Still, Portugal. The Man

 

 

+

 

Tony hugs him in the car and it’s an accident, he makes it out to be an accident, but Peter still gets feverish at the feeling hours later. 

 

Maybe it’s the adrenaline but he’s bouncing all the way up to his tiny apartment, hugging Aunt May with half minded words about how great it was, how Mr. Stark was so proud of him, which he was. It makes him blush when he thinks about it, the way Tony had crumpled a piece of paper into his fist, a little awkward but doing this for Peter.“This is my personal number. Your’e a teenager and this might be a really dumb thing to do, since I am Tony Stark but keep it. I’d suggest calling Happy first because he’s your guy, but if ever. If ever it isn’t enough, I’m here.”There’s something about the way he says it, almost as if it isn’t for Peter, as much as it is for Tony too. Despite their wild differences, the two of them travel a similar wavelength.

 

+

 

Weeks later, Peter still smiles at the memory, the video he took in the car playing on his phone as he imagines pressing into the smirk of Tony’s mouth when he fake-talks to Aunt May in the video about wearing something skimpy. The look of shock on his face in the video makes Peter look like the innocent kid he is, but also hides the deep shake of jealousy that had gone through him at the comment. The Tony Stark was flirting with her, to the point that it would’ve been a little creepy, but also he’s _Tony Stark._

 

Peter wonders what it’d be like to be under that attention, to be the prey Mr. Stark zeroes in on.He thinks he felt a fraction of it when Tony had noticed his poorly concealed bite mark in the elevator. Peter remembers the air being thick with something too good to be true, the way his jaw had clenched when he’d implied that Peter had someone to come home to. 

 

He’d read about the break up between Tony and Pepper. He’d seen the fall out between Iron Man and Captain America first hand, seen the sharp way Tony regarded Bucky whenever Steve was around, how Steve was blind to it all now that he’d gotten his world back.Tony Stark doesn’t do love anymore, so obviously he wasn’t jealous. Just annoyed.

 

Still, when it’s late at night, and he can feel delusional enough, Peter imagines Tony as jealous. Imagines that Tony remembers when Peter said _I guess you could say I got carried away_ and that he’s hard too, fucked up over the idea of Peter’s body spread out in all it’s sexual prowess. He imagines that somewhere in silk sheets, Tony Stark gets off to him the same way Peter does. That the air in the elevator wasn’t just air, but the start of something dangerously spectacular between them.

 

Of course, morning always comes and Peter is alone.There is no phone call and life moves forward.

 

+

 

He’s sitting in his bed, twin bed creaking familiarly, after another night out patrolling. His blood's pumping and it's a  school night but whatever, his homework is done. Peter takes off his mask and the suit, shoving them in his backpack before lying down. He breathes and looks at the clock. It's almost midnight and maybe he can fall asleep if he tries.

 

It's been a good day. He aced his algebra test and Ned was telling Peter about his new Lego set that was coming in this weekend. Aunt May had actually not burned dinner for once and they'd talked and laughed so much that Peter had been beaming during his entire patrol. So when he closes his eyes after this small victory of the day, he lets his guard down and fall asleep without a hitch.

 

It hasn’t been a few hours until Peter’s jolted awake. The tremors are back, andthe nightmare freezes his mouth into an open scream. He knows he’s having struggle breathing, his eyes focusing in and out of the Iron Man poster on his wall, and Peter wants to simultaneously cry and pass out at the same time. He’s gotten better at it, dealing with the sharp aftermath of the battlefield, sleeping with white noise like the wikipedia article said and making sure it’s only one or two rough sleep cycles, statistically reducing the chances of a nightmare.But it’s been three months, and Peter wants to think he’s better. Wants to believe.

 

Faith gets him nowhere because the facts are jarring. He can still feel the cement on his legs, the pressure of stone on his thighs, the subtle crack of a femur happening before he wakes up, panting at the image of Captain America’s eyes turning red and blood everywhere.

 

“Come on come on come on ” he tries willing himself,to calm down, but everything’s heightened when he gets like this and the blasting sound of a police siren from a few blocks down has him grabbing for his phone. This is the usual course of the night, Peter reaches for the phone, stares at Tony’s number, desperate but still unsure,and passes out from exhaustion before he ever gets to make the call. It’s a good system, the phone acting like an anchor, the illusion that there’s someone there with him through this. It’s the thought that counts, Peter thinks, even though Tony probably could care less of him.

 

“You’re right. ” There’s the familiar rumble of a voice near him and Peter looks up from the phone clutched in his tight grasp, to the clear outline of Tony Stark’s body in front of him. 

 

The surprise steals Peter’s breath harder and he stumbles around his words.“You. You’re. _You’re Back?_ ” , heartbeat thudding even louder at this presence of his past. So much has happened, and it feels so long ago, but it’s almost Pavlovian how Peter’s shoulders relax on instinct at the image of his hallucination of Mr. Stark. It means his brain’s trying to take care of him, like when he got his powers, trying to make this easier.

 

Tony looks good as always, and Peter lets out a little gasp and he realizes he’s wearing the same outfit that Peter last remembers seeing him, in the car on the way back from the airport. The memory is ingrained so well in Peter’s brain that Mr. Stark looks realer than ever.

 

Which is why it hurts like an honest punch when Tony says, “You do know how fucked up this is right, kid?”

 

“What?”

 

“ Look, It’s been almost a year and you’re still entertaining this psychosexual obsession with me. Of course,I’ma little flattered.I get the looks you give me from every other person with a sex drive, but Peter this? Making me your little knight in shining armor? Well now I just feel bad. Honey, you should know better to think that I’m some Prince Charming.” Tony’s eyes, where once were warm and honey glazed, are cold and detached, a wicked sneer attached to that damn perfect peach mouth that Peter wanted to lay claim to.

  
It’s terrifying, watching the thing you love turn it’s head against you.

 

“You.. You don’t mean it.” Peter’s trying to put on a brave face, but if his heart rate was spiking due to anxiety before it’s all over the fucking place now.

 

He feels a breeze by his ear, the warm air oflips moving. “Don’t get me wrong. The sex wasn’t bad because you’re definitely prettier with the lights off. But you understand Pete, I get bored. You were a shiny toy once. But, it just isn’t fun anymore.”

 

Peter’s choking on his own insecurities now, and Tony’s still talking, fingers climbing up his arms.The younger boy can’t move, fear holding him hostage to the poison that this living nightmare drips all over him. “It’s pathetic. It’s pathetic how you think that we’re friends, that this is romantic. Kid, I’m 47. I know, I know, I look fucking amazing for someone about to approach half a century and I don’t blame you for wanting more in me. “ Peter feels a nail push his chin upwards until he’s staring into the glowing eyes of his hallucination, Mr. Stark with his yellow glasses and stone cold face. “But Peter, your spider boy routineis justnot good enough for me. ”

 

Peter sobs, he feels the whimper at the back of his throat, the silent swallow of a scream. _Just not good enough._ His fists clench on their own, until the edges of his phone case cut into his left hand and Peter blearily sees Tony Stark's contact info pulled up.His contact photo is of a selfie of them in the car, one that actually Tony took and he looks happy to be there. Peter can tell because Mr. Stark's got hishands around Peter's neck and they're grinning in unison.

 

"You're not real." Peter whispers, more to himself but the hallucination hardly wavers.

 

"That's an irrelevant statement, Parker. See real or not real, it still doesn't change the fact that all you are toTony Stark is a convenience. A goddamn toy he likes to jerk around for a weekend or so before he realizes how worthless it really is. You're nothing special, kid."

 

The hallucinated Mr. Starkcontinues to drone on, taunting Peter, and there aren't words to explain how bad it hurts to hear his role model degrade him, all the while touching him.

 

"P-Please stop." Peter manages out as Mr. Stark drags one nail down his spine, hand resting low on his back.

 

"Make me." Tony bites and Peter gasps, the feeling of fingers digging into his ass, so much that he can tell there'll be bruises.

 

He's fantasized about this, about Mr. Stark taking his virginity but not like this. It was never meant to feel cold and slimy, like the start of a sickness Peter could never shake loose.

 

"I don't want this."

"Then what do you want?"

 

Peter pauses and really stares at the cellphone in his hand, Tony's number burning underneath his thumb. He can feel the dark eyes of his hallucination following him, prickling the back of his neck, daring sharply. 

 

He presses call before he can think otherwise.

 

+

 

When Tony picks up on the first ring, Peter cries. He sobs, a blanching sound over the telephone, and the can almost see Tony's worried frown in front of him.

 

"Peter? Peter, hey what's wrong?"There's a soft clank of tools being put down and Peter can hear his mind chaining itself again to reality. His eyes flit nervously around the room, in between tears, and Tony's waits patiently in his hands.

 

"I- I- I couldn't sleep."

"That makes the two of us."

“Well uh um I should probably let you get to that -“

“Kid, you called me. Crying. I’m not letting you get off that easy.”

 

Peter thinks there should be a law against suggestive things that Tony Stark can and can’t say despite the context because there’s something about the way his mouth curls around the words _getting off_ that make Peter blush, despite the raging anxiety of the situation.

 

“Did you have a nightmare?” Tony asks, this time his voice softer, more like a drop of honey and Peter stands in his bedroom to make sure his hallucination is gone.

 

“Yeah it was uh something like that I mean I had the nightmare but then - “

“Go on.”

 

 _I saw you again but this time, it actually all went to shit._ The unsaid words burn on his tongue and Peter debates telling the real Tony Stark that he’s been dreaming about him since he was fourteen, in less than decent ways, but that tonight he’d really put the hell in hallucination. 

 

“I-It- I just had a panic attack.” Peter settles on. It’s easy and vague and a broad encapsulation of the truth, and Mr. Stark hums sadly.

 

“I should’ve known. God, I’m so sorry Peter.”

 

It’s strange, how this situation turns. Peter’s room is empty and he’s already feeling better about it, but Tony’s voice is starting to ramble, in that slightly aggressive way when he’s feeling guilty. “I shouldn’t have dragged you into the mess between Steve and me, literally you’re just a _kid._ ”

 

 _“_ I turn 16 soon though” Peter says, dumbly, tasting midnight like it’s something he can get drunk on.

 

“Soon to be 16 year olds shouldn’t have to deal with PTSD”

“Who said it was PTSD”

“You did. I’m looking at your vitals in that suit and you haven’t been sleeping, not to mention your frequent nightmares, and anxiety levels spiking while you walk underneath bridges. “

“So?”

“So Peter, I’m the adult here and I should have never ever whisked you away into the mayhem that is my life.”

“I don’t regret it.”

 

Peter didn’t expect his tone to shift so drastically, but hormones are fucking insane, especially when you have spider genes inside you. He feels a little manic, a little high, on the phone with his dream-man, his child-idol. Peter feels like he’s trapped in the elevator again, expect this time the story takes a fifty shades of grey-esque turn and oh did Mr. Stark say something?

“Be more specific.”

 

Peter flushes and lies down on his bed, hand resting on his abdomen. When Mr. Stark asks, Peter can’t help but obey. It’s instinct.

 

“Just that I don’t regret meeting you. Mr. Stark, It’s- It’s a dream come true.”Peter cringes slightly at how cliche he sounds, but Tony gasps over the line, a subtle movement that Peter wouldn’t have caughtif it wasn’t for the extra spidering senses.

 

“You’re too kind, kid. I’m just a grumpy old man.”

“Not that old.”

“I’m 47.”

“Don’t look it though.”

“Peter.”

“Mr. Stark.”

 

“It’s late.” Peter heres the hitch in Tony’s breath and he’s afraid he’ll hang up.

“You make me feel better.”he blurts out, and it’s dumb and teenage but fuck,it’s worth for the laugh it draws out of Mr. Stark, a short, sleepy chuckle.

 

“Well that’s a first. I usually drive most people insane.”

“I mean, no offense Mr. Stark, you make me a little crazy too.”

“Oh.”

“but like, in the best ways.”

“In the Best Ways”

“yeah, like you’re so smart and also Iron Man? and it’s overwhelming but really attra-inspiring.”

“Attra-inspiring”

“Um are you just gonna keep repeating stuff I say”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No.”

 

Peter shocks the both of them with how fast he replies, and he imagines he can touch Tony’s grin with how his teeth dig into the plush bottom of his lip when Mr. Stark softly whispers, “Pipe down, Peter.”

 

It’s a little ridiculous and so is this situation because, “I have school tomorrow”

“I know, it’s Tuesday”

“Same here”

“Good to know”

“I can’t believe you picked up, Mr. Stark”

“Have more faith in me, kid. I am your mentor, technically”

 

“What are you going to teach me?” Peter asks, and he knows the innocuous question’s got the dirty weight behind it to pull a reaction from Mr. Stark. He isn’t playing fair because it’s inching closer to 5 am with each sharp exhale they trade.

 

“You’ll just have to wait and see, Parker.Go to sleep, kid. I’ll talk to you soon.”Mr. Stark says, voice wavering only slightly as he hangs up on Peter.

 

+

 

When Peter gets off that night, it’s languid and gentle and he presses his _ah-ah-ah’s_ into the curve of his pillow, imagining it was Mr. Stark’s collarbone instead. The only difference is that for the first time, Peter’s gladhe’s stuck firmly in reality.

 

+

 

When Peter’s phone rings tomorrow afternoon on his route back home from school, he doesn’t expect it to be Tony Stark so he picks up without thinking.  
  
“Hello.”

“Hi kid.”

“Mr. Stark fuck, hello”

“Do you greet your unusually attractive aunt with that mouth”

“Did you ever think that maybe it’s just you”

“Sassy already are we, Parker? Maybe this wasa bad idea-“

“No! No, stay”

“Are you always this honest over the phone?”

“Maybe it’s just you.” Peter repeats and Tony laughs.

 

Peter’s hiding violet smiles in his palms as he digs nails into the soft flesh to stop him from beaming unnaturally as he walks the New York streets. He shouldn’t feel as dizzy as he does, but Tony’s talking to him, Tony billionaire-iron-man-god-speed Starkis on the phone with him, willingly, and he called first.

 

“Get any sleep last night?”

“A little. Helped to talk to you.”

“I get that. When I first got back from the cave, I programmed J.A.R.V.I.S to constantly vocally check up on me so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the silence.”

“I can’t imagine what that was like.”

“I don’t ever want you to, Peter”

 

There’s a gravel truth in Tony’s words that makes Peter stop where he his.

 

“You’re a good man, Mr. Stark.” Peter says, and it sounds a little strange but he means it. Means it so much. Tony Stark has always been the revolving door of dreams for Peter, and now he’s got the chance to let the man know.

 

“I appreciate that Peter. I have to go to a meeting, but it seems like you’re doing better today.”

“You don’t have to check up on me everyday, Mr. Stark. I know you’rebusy-“

“I’m busy for other people. You’re not other people, Parker.You need me, I’m there. Seriously, whatever’s going on with you, I’m here and I’m invested. I brought you into this mess, so you’re my responsibility and I don’t take that lightly.”

“Is this your long adult way of saying you care about me”

“You’re funny kid”

“I try to be”

“We should do this more often”

“I’m not trying to be a stand up comedian or anything -“

“I meant the phone calls”

 

Peter’s knows he shouldn’t say _yes_ , shouldn’t indulge in this fast eager banter with someone as risky as Mr. Stark but the “yes” he tells him tastes so sweet in the moment, he can’t begin to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment and kudos for tony stark to realize he really wants peter parker in the bad ways and to finally do something about it with a special birthday surprise for peter wooo ;)


	7. Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You touched me. And I liked it. “ Peter lets the truth fall softly from his lips, land in the non-existent space between them and Tony shivers. He’s in a king sized bed, buildings away but, the feeling, it shakes him anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you should thank a certain wonder rose girl named fee who pushed my buttons in the right direction to give you all what you wanted - peter and tony getting smooth and sexy together !!! i hope ur surprised bc i was tbh 
> 
> literally, this happened because i love my fans and the comments and kudos really make me happy and i got a little carried away, is all. if u didn't get it already - the story's gonna get real hot real fast from here on out, so stick around pals ;) <3
> 
> again thank u so much for being invested in this as much as i am, w/ the kudos and comments and etc etc, it's refreshing and this is honestly an incredible project to write for all of you.

_Last night, my fantasies become oh-so true_

_You said you wanted me as much as I want you_

_If I said it hadn't crossed my mind_

_Then though baby, I'd be lying_

_It just got complicated, I don't know what to do_

\-- Dreams, Dua Lipa

 

Tony Stark doesn't indulge inunnecessary social interaction but somehow Peter Parker manages to change all that with a simple _yes_.

 

So what if Tony calls - everyday like clock work, Peter's schedule programmed into F.R.I.D.A.Y automatically so he doesn't even have to manually place calls anymore-so what if, the kid picks up on the first ring every time?

 

What if it feels too much like a dream?

 

+

 

Tony's a visionary, a genius, a modern Einstein type with more sass, but even he couldn't have predicted the hummingbird feeling Peter puts into him. All it takes is one slack jawed sentence and Tony's laughing into his expensive cufflinks like he's a damn -

 

teenager.

 

The kid's young. Young and bold and pressing, an increasingly sharp flirt and the age difference isn't giving him the right amount of immunity. If anything, it makes it worse.

 

The thing is Peter Parker isn't dumb. He's got a stellar G.P.A and good friends and extracurriculars. He's also fucking Spider-Man and beats up bad guys before he can start on his homework. He's seen some shit. He's fought in war.

 

He - he - he gets it. Maybe not to the level that Tony's suffered, but god is it nice to have a warm body over the phone to share his nightmares with. Peter listens, enraptured on every sorrow soaked word of the torture and the deceit. He doesn't say he understands it, just sits with Tony in the quiet early mornings as 3 am moves to 5 am, and distracts Tony from the rat nest in his own head.

 

"Thank you for being so honest" Peter always says, for each memory released, like he already knows how much Tony's paying for it.

 

And that's what gets him every time.Peter Parker shouldn't be as familiar with loss as Tony is.

 

+

 

"I'm so old, Parker"

"We're more alike than you think"

"You're not even 16 yet"

"Yet"

"I'm all grown up, Peter"

"and I'm getting there, Mr. Stark"

 

+

 

Sometimes Peter will talk. He's allgentle midnight and close to sleep when he'll start mumbling about the gun shot that killed his uncle and how he should miss his parents but he doesn't.

 

"They've always felt like ghosts and I think I see them in the shadows if I look long enough"

"I know the feeling, kid."

"We're so tragic, Mr. Stark."

"At least we have each other."

 

Peter tells Tony he's never told anyone this much about him with the exception of two people, but fails to mention who they were. The irrational possessive side of Tony hopes he's one of them now.

 

+

 

Tony had done a pretty good job, he thought , of deflecting the reality of the situation but then he starts dreaming about Peter and it's funny how the fantasy is what drives him to do what he did.

 

"Spend your birthday with me" shouldn't sound as raw as it does but Tony got off twice from the dream he had last night of Peter spread out underneath him in Iron Man boxers he admitted to owning a couple weeks ago and fuck, this boy is bad for his health. The last time he got off twice in a row was like, years ago. It's wrong, Tony knows it's wrong but also, he's human and Peter's really pushing it. And nobody pushes Tony Stark without getting pushed back.

 

Hence, the proclamation.

 

It'slate and Peter's working on math homework so when Tony hears the scratch of pencil abruptly stop, he takes it as a good place to continue."I'll tell May it's for the internship and I know she works nights on Friday's so instead of being alone on your birthday then, I'll take you out to dinner and we can do something nice because you've been good and deserve a treat."

 

"I've been good." Peter responds a little baffled, voice a whisper surprise. Tony wants to groan at how _that's_ the thing Peter's fixating on.

 

"So it's a date." Tony should stop, really should because this is a car crash waiting to happen, but Peter's surprise is bleeding into joy and his voice is so high it's adorable.

 

"Oh my god oh my god this is really happening I'm going to spend my birthday with Tony Stark"

“That’s me. Tony Stark. Your fellow mentor pal.”

“We’re _friends!_?”

 _“_ Peter, where have you BEEN?”

“Sorry sorry like I know we are but you’re like really acknowledging it ahhh”

“Come on Kid - ”

“- and just I’m really overwhelmed right now oh my god this is, god it’s just like last year but better because it’s real -“

“like last year?”Tony asks and Peter stops. Abruptly. With no pause in between, his voice dies out like a flicker flame and Tony’s definitely intrigued now.

 

“Did I really say that whaaaat”Peter chuckles awkwardly, and oh oh oh he’s not letting this go.

“You said like last year. I only met you like a couple months ago, so that can’t have been me. And there aren’t even any Stark Expos this time of the year so I can’t imagine what you mean. “

 

There’s a pause, a gentle one, and Tony imagines that Peter’s biting his lip so hard it might break. “It’s embarrassing.”

 

“I’m listening.”

“I-I-I used to think about you.”

  
Peter sounds genuinely uncomfortable for a moment, and oh. Tony doesn’t like that. He tries to backtrack, forget the whole thing, this was a bad idea -

“You’re a fan, Peter, It’s honestly flattering. So what if you had a dream about me? I’m your role model right? That’s normal, kid. Forget I ever - “

 

“No, No, No! you asked and - and I have to tell you this. Because. Because you deserve to know.” 

 

The boy’s obviously anxious but determined, and who’s Tony to stop him.

 

“Maybe this would be better face to face?” Tony suggests, voice taking on the feeling of muted honey, a tone he realizes he saves for Peter alone.

 

“Yeah-Yeah that’d be good. FaceTime?” Peter asks but Tony’s already pulling up the screen, and wow there’s Peter Parker. Shirtless.

 

Fuck.

 

Tony kind of stares, because _abs?_ perfect collarbones? those biceps?Really? He’s not even 16 yet that should be impossible but also, it’s another reminder of how Peter’s a superhero. Not just some unsuspecting, innocent, teenage boy despite the way he’s biting his lip and blushing because he’s noticed Tony is staring. Which really, shouldn’t make him as flustered as it does because he’s Tony Stark and not- not- some teenage sexual virgin, like this boy in front of him.

 

Speaking of.

  
“I should’ve put a shirt on, god-“

“ I don’t mind.” Tony says and can’t help the way his voice drops a moment, Peter’s eyes widening in response.

“Oh.” Then there’s the blush, spreading, and wow Tony really wants to test how far down that goes but, there’s more pressing matters at hand.

 

“So you used to think about me, Peter?” Tony’s pushing, he knows he is, and he watches as Peter’s eyes flit to his through the screen, getting darker automatically.

  
“Yeah. Yeah I did.”His voice is unnaturally steady and Tony leans back a little in his bed, the camera expanding automatically. Peter gulps at that, “You’re in bed? Wow is it really that late I-“

 

“We both don’t sleep so let’s stop avoiding the subject yeah?”

“Um. I. Yeah.”

 

“Look Peter, Kiddo you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But obviously, it seems like it’s something that’s bothering you, so maybe if you open up to someone it can help?I’m a responsible adult, sometimes.”

 

It doesn’t matter that Tony’s curious as hell, and a little turned on, because it’s Peter’s well-being that he’ll always put first. He’s just a kid, and Tony isn’t going to take advantage, Jesus, he couldn’t live with himself if he did.

 

The message gets across, as he stares at Peter with warm eyes andPeter visibly shakes off the anxiety,breathes once, twice, and then he’s talking.

 

“I kind of started hallucinating you after my fourteenth birthday. and then. my uncle died. and you. you stuck around.”Peter says, words stuttering and Tony knows immediately there’s more to the story, but _fuck._ This was totally left field. And wrong. Wrong is so many ways, but Peter looks relieved. His body language’s shifted now that he sees that Tony hasn’t hung up or run away, but instead is just looking at him. With these hungry hungry eyes.

 

_So much for responsible adult._

 

The boy’s looking at him all eager, and Tony should stone his poker face, but there’s that dark veil of desire spilling because it’s late it’s late it’s late-

 

“You always looked so good. I was so lonely and you were there, Mr. Stark. When no one else was. Helping me -“ Peter’s made to please, Tony confirms.

  
“How’d I help?” Tony can’t control his mouth anymore, because Peter snaps the pencil he’s holding at the question. And God. Tony needs to backtrack. Fast, because this is unexplored territory, even tho he’s sporting a semi underneath the silk sheets, and “Peter, actually, hey you don’t have to answer that - “

 

“You touched me. And I liked it. “ Peter lets the truth fall softly from his lips, land in the non-existent space between them and Tony shivers. He’s in a king sized bed, buildings away but, the feeling, it shakes him anyway.

 

“Oh.Well. I’m glad I could provide some comfort. To you. Some paternal type figure hallucination. Yes. Got it. Understood.” Tony blanches, because this. This is not what he had planned. No, no he was gonna take Peter out to dinner and they’d maybe hold hands and it’d be soft and platonic and nothing like - nothing so sudden and not -

 

“Mr. Stark. I wanna cross some lines, will you let me” and Peter Parker is scooting his chair back, setting his phone down, so Tony can see more of his lower half in the frame, and it’s kind of blurry at first, Tony puts a note in his head to get the kid a better updated Stark phone, but then all thought evades his mind when he realizes what he’s looking at.

 

Who the hell does math homework in nothing but Iron Man boxers?

 

“Do you really need permission from me, Peter?” Peter’s hard, obviously, frustratingly so and okay. they’re doing this.

 

“I wanna be good for you.” Peter says and he watches the way the the sentence causes Peter to flutter, a straight-one way ticket to the show he’s about to put on.The boy knows. He knows and he’s doing it anyway.

 

“You’re already good enough, God, just look at you. So beautiful. So so fucking pretty.” Tony talks, because the anxiety is a breath away, but Peter looks too desperate for him to back out now and words. Words are easy, words are better than whipping his own dick out and making this worse.

 

Peter keens, hands sliding to the hem of his red-gold iron man boxers, tugging at the elastic with eager fingers. “I wore them for you. I-I-I wear them when I need you, some days it’s worse than others.”

 

“How do you need me, baby?” Tony mumbles, mouth watering at the sight, and the endearment runs through Peter, who arches his back, mouth being bitten redder and redder.

 

“I need you here. I-I need your hands. To touch me. Here. and Here. And here. and _fuck-“_ Peter groans, as his fingers trace a path down his abdomen, catching on his nipples, and abs, and finally disappearing down into his boxers, the iron man design stretching obscenely as Peter fists his cock.

 

“Baby, look at you. So good. Touch yourself, Peter. Show Mr. Stark what you want.” Tony can feel the precum leaking in his own boxers, but he can’t touch. Not until he takes care of Peter first. It’s always going to be Peter first.

 

And the way Peter’s hand is disappearing in and out of his boxers, the sharp slaps of skin the only noise along with his increasingly insistent _ah-ah-ah’s_  Tony doesn’t think he’ll have to wait long.

“Mr. _Stark_ , “ Peter moans like he’s choking on a sob, and Tony wishes this was happening real time, not over _facetime._

 

(God, as if he wasn’t indecent before, cyber sex with a teenager. Really spectacular, Tony. )

 

“If I was there, I’d kiss you right now. Kiss you and make you beg for it, pin you to the bed, just so I have the best seat in the house to watch you lose it, like a good boy. “Tony’s voice is husky and deep and all liquor, Peter’s not prepared.

 

“Mr. Stark Mr. Stark I’m so close- _fuck”_ Peter babbles, and Tony sees the flash, the deep color of the head of Peter’s cock on the screen on front of him and it’s enough that he knows he’ll never forget it.

 

“Come for me, Peter.”

 

It’s over fast. Peter arches his back, a low gasp echoing through the speakers. There’s ropes of white over Peter’s chest, an image that Tony would gladly get arrested for, again and again and again.

 

But it isn’t the photograph of sex that sends Tony over the edge, in his boxers like a horny teenager, it’s Peter with hazy eyes dragginghis fingers through his own come and sucking on it, moaning “ _Tony_ ” while looking straight at the camera. Tony shudders through the rush of pleasure as the boy in front of him, blushes again, fingers still in his mouth and Tony realizes with a start, it’s a vision of something entirely possible in the future.

 

The kid’s birthday is tomorrow after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls tell me what u think !! also, more sex is to come, and unlike the typical peter/tony fics like it's not gonna be that dark. i really wanna stress the genuine connection, no matter how fucked up, peter and tony have, that's independent of their sexual endeavors. :)
> 
> comment and kudos so peter can turn 16 with tony making moon eyes at him, because these idiots are hopeless romantics and that's the only way i know how to write.


	8. Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter’s 16 and glancing at Tony with a mixture of awe and admiration, a slight blush painting his cheeks, like he has all afternoon, and he will all day because that’s Peter and Tony feels like he’s caught in a storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello pals i am back! it’s crazy to think that i started this almost a year ago and here i am continuing even now, but i went through a crazy first year of college and found myself telling my best friend Jaret about this fic again recently and he kinda pushed me and reminded me about all of you and that hey i love spider man still so much maybe i should continue 
> 
> i’ve had a rough couple months, this summer already harder than before, but i read all your comments and watched the kudos pile up and couldn’t leave you without anything for much longer 
> 
> also fuck infinity war i sobbed in the movie theatre like a damn baby and you bet your ass this fic is going to turn into a fix it fic soon, and also please enjoy oodles of fluff and wholesome content in this chapter bc of that one scene that i’m just gonna choose to forget for now
> 
>  
> 
> and finally i’d like to dedicate this chapter to all of you, to Jaret (you can thank him for the WALL-E bit), to our wonderous Tony & Peter, and to Rainbow Rowell for writing Carry On which i read in one sitting yesterday and reminded me again how to write
> 
> as always comments and kudos are always appreciated i read every single one because they remind me i still have somewhere to go to, that this project still exists, because i do love writing for you all, and never even have stopped thinkin about this fic for even a moment. thank u for reading this far if you did, i love you all so so so much more than you even know and hope you enjoy :)

 

_Last call's around the corner_

_Feeling kinda tempted_

_And I'm pouring out the truth_

_Just fading out these talkers 'cause now all I want is you_

— Sit Next To Me, Foster The People

 

+

 

“Sir, Gustavo is in the lobby, should I send him up?”

 

F.R.I.D.A.Y ‘svoice rings out in the workshop and Peter looks up from where’s he’s tinkering with one ofTony’s old bots. They’d spent the whole afternoon here as soon as May had her customary birthday breakfast with her nephew and gone to work.Peter had called him as soon as she’d left and Tony had been there in 5 minutes, a new stark phone in his hand for the kid because hey, the surprises start immediately because Peter’s 16 and if Tony remembers correctly that’s one of the big ones.

 

Peter’s 16 and glancing at Tony with a mixture of awe and admiration, a slight blush painting his cheeks, like he has all afternoon, and he will all day because that’s Peter and Tony feels like he’s caught in a storm. He doesn’t have his senses dialed to eleven, but there’s something about being around the boy that makes Tony feel like he does, because even that slight blush makes him tingle, and god damn it he’s 47 years old he shouldn’t be able to _tingle_ anymore.

 

“Gustavo? Is he like a client?” Peter asked, moving from across the workshop towards Tony, his body leaning naturally into Tony’s space, already thawing whatever anxieties Tony’s mind might be throwing at him. Even literally, Tony feels warm because Peter’s a space heater and he can already see the slight pink flush to his cheeks, a warmth Tony knows the exact feeling ofnow because of the hour they’d spent in the garage just making out languidly in Tony’s expensive sports car and Peter had all but become a tomato. A very attractive tomato who couldn’t stop kissing Tony until F.R.I.D.A.Y had interrupted to informthey could die of carbon monoxide poisoning because right, Tony should have turned off the car andalso it’s the kid’s birthday and he actually had things planned for him.

 

Speaking of.

 

“Yes F.R.I.D.A.Y send him up to my private floor, we’ll be there shortly.”

 

“You send your clients up to your private floor?” Peter wrinkled his nose slightly, confused.

 

“Only the important ones.” Tony says with a wink, “Come on kid, you’re coming with me.”

 

+

 

Of all brilliant ideas Tony’s really had, getting Peter Parker into a custom suit for his sixteenth birthday was far more entertaining than expected. Watching Peter’s spider senses go off as he tries to get fitted and Gustavo’s muttered curses in Italian for every “Mr. Stark that Tickles!!” is so funny, Tony is definitely asking F.R.I.D.A.Y to save the security footage to his personal folder to expose at some superhero party in the future.

 

+

 

Once Gustavo leaves, with a promise to have the fitted suit delivered no later than 6:30pm since the reservation was at 7:45 pm at Del Posto, Tony sighs contentedly and looks at Peter tapping around on his new stark phone on the couch, his eyes bright as ever. It was only 4 and they had some time to kill, so he sits down next to Peter, arm slung over the couch. “Wanna watch a movie?”

 

Peter lights up at that, dropping his phone and moving closer to Tony. “Only if we can cuddle” he says, cheeky as ever and Tony just laughs, “Well then get over here kid”

 

They scroll through the Stark TV’s infinite options, an inordinate amount of which are sci fi movies because it’s Tony Stark and robots and space wars was kind of what he was raised on.Tony stops on one which has a really cute robot on the cover, only because it looks a lot like one of DUM-E’s early prototype versions when he was still trying to make adorable and functional robots at MIT.

 

“You know I swear one of DUM-E’s early prototypes looked something like that”

 

“Mr. Stark are you telling me you created Wall-E before Wall-Eeven came out?”

 

“Honestly, I’m Tony Stark so Peter what do you expect. Damn, I really ought to give Disney a call”

 

Peter laughs at that, his face turning into Tony’s neck, placing a gentle kiss there almost like he can’t help himself. Tony feels like it’s his turn to blush now.

 

“I love Wall-E so much, him and Eve are literally so romantic, like the whole Christmas lights scene? I cried the first time” Peter begins, rambling as usual into the corners of Tony’s neck “but also wait we don’t have to watch it if you don’t want to, cos I know it’s a kid’s movie but I can handle other stuff, I mean Ned and I snuck into a R-rated movie once you know —“

 

And Tony really can’t help himself when he kisses him that time. It starts off soft and gentle, and Tony’s hands card through Peter’s hair almost on instinct, like they haven’t just been doing this for a day, and Tony thinks — well Peter’s biting his lip now and he can’t really think even if he wanted to, and maybe that’s a good thing.

 

+

 

They never really get to the movie, eyes and mouths too busy with each other, and Tony can’t remember the last time he just made out with someone for like two hours,never gave himself that illusion of time. Peter’s on top of him, hands folded over his sternum just looking at him with this kind of dopey smile and Tony’s still got his fingers in his hair, tracing mindless patterns like he’s a cat or something.

 

“Mr. Stark?”Peter doesn’t even have to raise his voice their faces are so close, and Tony can see crystal clear the raspberry bruise blooming underneath Peter’s collarbone and the plush ruined look of his mouth when it moves.“Yes, Peter?”

 

“I’m happy, is all” Peter moves up so he can properly tuck his head underneath Tony’s and wrap his arms around him and squeeze, like he can’t believe Tony’s really here, that he gets this, that it’s okay to want so badly, and if he lets go it might all truly just disappear.

 

All Tony can do is kiss the crown of his head, with all the kindness he’s got inside of him, and squeeze back because he knows the feeling, had felt it across telephone lines as they built up inevitably to this, and whisper back “me too, Peter, me too”

 

+

 

By the time they get to the restaurant they’re a little late, but Tony drives fast and Peter’s still debating whether to unbutton or button the suit and Tony says “unbuttoned, Parker” and winks just as he throws his keys to the valet with a practiced ease.

 

“You look good in the suit” Tony mentions as he helps Peter out of the car, hand low on his back, guiding him inside.

 

“Would look even better without it” Peter mumbles back looking up at Tony through his eyelashes with a small smile, because yes he guesses they can do this now because last night and today andeverything but Tony still finds himself choking on what to say next.He knew it was a cheeky line, one Peter probably rehearsed in front of the mirror to Karen, but somehow that made the heat flare up inside him even more. He knew he wasn’t the teenager here, but Peter sure gave him a run for his money and he tried to frame his voice as cool as possible as he led Peter further into the lobby of the Italian restaurant.

 

“Jeez kid, let a guy take you out to dinner first” Tony whispered back as they stood in the short line waiting for their reservation, and Peter let out a laugh, a really obnoxiously loud laugh like he really was 16 and couldn’t help it even if it did cause a few heads to turn their way. Tony could not be more endeared and they hadn’t even sat down yet.

 

“Mr. Stark?” The server calls at the podium and then they’re being led away into the restaurant and Tony has to nudge Peter to move because of course, he’s just now looking at where they are.

 

Del Posto does that to people, he remembered bringing Pepper here for their 1 year anniversary and the way she’d clutched his arm and gasped “ _Tony_ ”like she couldn’t believe because it really was palatial and mansion like. Only those with elaborate amounts of money could really eat here, under the golden glow of the ceiling and next to sweeping large center stair case, and endless array of tables and luxury leather chairs, and Peter was staring like he couldn’t believe he was here.And Tony was looking too, in a state of awe and amazement, but not at Del Posto,but at Peter, finally taking in the suit Gustavo had tailored for him last minute but still so gorgeously. The maroon blazer fit Peter to a T, the close cut of the black pants making him seem taller, older than he was, the white Oxford shirt snug and buttoned up in a way that made Tony want to unbutton it completely later, just to see those chiseled muscles underneath move more clearly, and the entire look just came together to make Peter seem radiant.

 

“This place is like, magnificent,” Peter says in awe to no one particular as the server leads them to a cozy table in the corner of the restaurant where few other patrons sat, the light low and romanticand exactly what Tony had asked for.

 

“You can keep the suit, by the way”Tony tells him after the waitress hands him his drink and they’ve gotten the ordering out of the way. He doesn’t even care to look at her as she takes their menus, his eyes already drunk on the beautiful boy in front of him.

 

“I know, I mean” Peter responds, confused, like being snapped out of a reverie as he looks back to Tony. “Mr. Stark you already told me that in the car after Germany, remember ?” His eyebrows raise up and Tony’s heart feels like it’s about to explode because yes he’s old but come on Parker, he’s not _that_ old and fuck, Peter’s confused face really shouldn’t be that damn adorable.

 

“Yes Parker, I remember.I know I might’ve had heart problems kidbut my mind is like still in my 20s or I like to think anyway” Tony said, hiding his smile in his glass at Peter’s eyes widening in realization as he continued,“ but I was talking about the suit you’re actually wearing right now to dinner not when you’re on your little spiderling adventures. It fits you perfectly, you look _incredible_ Peter. ”

 

“Oh” Peter says then, blush painting his cheeks immediately and it was going to kill Tony how responsive he was to everything, to the custom suit, the dinner, the text messages, the kissing, the tower, the living that Tony had just gone through day after day, without any care for it all, but with Peter it was like he was seeing things for what they were again, almost as if he had a second chance. There was such a sense of unabashed life around him that Tony couldn’t help but feel more alive. It felt reminiscent of the time before the Cave and the hell that followed and for Tony, it felt like a dream.

 

For so long, in all the years after, where the universe just kept falling apart and he was there someway or another caught in its carnage, Tony had believed that sometimes you go through hell and you never get to heaven. He’d always seen it like Newton’s first law because science, no matter how fucked up he felt, would always be there to make sense even if it was of his own undoing, and so Tony foretold that his darkness and guilt and fear he carried with him would ring inside him like an object in motion which stays in motion unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. Years had gone by and Tony had stopped looking for it, the thing that makes him pause, which lets him breathe less like the shrapnel is still there, stops the darkness from constantly flowing through him like blood, just fucking _calms him down_ because the booze, the women (and men), the drugs, the avengers, his work, and even Pepper (though she’d come close) hadn’t stood a chance. His pendulum kept swinging, like a wrecking ball that kept hurting him and others around him. No one was safe. That’s who he had become, the unstoppable Tony Stark, self destructive beyond compare, and nothing could throw him off his course, not even Captain America’s shield.

 

(He’d thought then in the middle of that fight, foolishly, that maybe fighting war with more war would help balance it, that anger could be a powerful enough substitute and maybe like this he could burn into nothing and it’d be over, finally. But Steve had spared him at the last minute, because it’s Steve and Tony had severely miscalculated his own selfish whims because there was still a man behind that mask, a man who even though it hurt to admit it, knew him but wasn’t there to save him. Cap was only there for Bucky, it was always going to be Bucky. And Tony stitched those wounds alone, like always, the gnawing ache inside him only growing, moving faster than ever—)

 

The waiter places the bowl of spaghetti in front of Peter and he digs right in, his mouth lets out of a moan almost like he can’t help it, half chewing on the pasta, eyes fluttering closed.Tony knows the food is good, was touching his own ravioli lost in his own dangerous thoughts, when just like that he’s back staring at Peter having a food orgasm with these soft eyes that for sure are gonna addwrinkles later on but right now he could care less.

 

Peter blushes again, swallows, and looks at Tony earnestly in the eye,“Sorry Mr. Stark, but this place is so beautiful and the food is so good and I hope that wasn’t too embarrassing it’s just you’re so great and I want to say thank you so much because this is the literally like the best birthday ever” Peter’s stumbling over his words like he’s got an outpouring of emotion inside of him that just needs to get out, to touch Tony with the same kind of energy it ignites inside him and all Tony can think is that Peter hasn’t even seen the cake yet, hasn’t even blown out his candles,and god was Tony _totally and completely fucked_.

 

+

 

Tony Stark never gets stuck on anyone or anything, but then again Iron Man never really planned for spider web either.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bookmarks and Kudos are all appreciated, thank you for reading !! tell me what you think in the comments, heh it’s gonna get a bit SPICY soon :)


	9. Peter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Damn kid, you make me feel like I’m the one who’s 16” Tony says, eyes dilated, and Peter blushes through his grin because he *did* that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello pals i am back with another chapter and also happy 4th of July y’all i spent Steve Roger’s birthday writing this chapter of filth and then some so i hope u enjoy this one’s s e x y 
> 
> a huge thanks to jaret for being my best friend and now also the closest thing to a beta i have because without him i would not be able to keep any of my timelines straight or figure out actual plot things and in general keep the story alive jaret just like with everything i’m better whenever you’re around and this fic is no exception :,)
> 
> another shout out to feef for making it to July, to another year, and making Mr. Stark really uh feel alive again, you are the language i understand most easily i love you so much 
> 
> as always, i am beyond grateful for you my dear readers because your kudos and comments and bookmarks continually inspire me, your enthusiasm is an honor to behold, please continue to be excited, it’s only going to get more intense from here

“ _I got my eyes on you_

_You're everything that I see_

_I want your hot love and emotion, endlessly_

_I can't get over you”_

— Hold On, We’re Going Home by Drake

 

Peter feels like he’s in a dream.

 

To be honest, all day it feels like he’s been floating. He’s sixteen and birthdays have always been something hard to swallow because it’s another year without Uncle Ben and his parents, another year they won’t get to see yet somehow Peter does and it isn’t fair, and for a moment he’ll feel the burn of tears behind his eyes but then but there’s Mr. Stark talking about his new adjustments to Peter’s spider suit and giving him a Starkphone and smiling at Peter the entire time and holding his hand and kissing him in the car and the penthouse and whenever he honestly can like he couldn’t imagine doing anything else better and it’s Peter’s birthday but fuck, he’s Tony Stark, and all Peter’s left with is an overwhelming feeling, this—

 

Dream. Dreaming. _Being with you is like dreaming_ , he wants to say to Tony who’s loosely intertwined their fingers as they drive through the city back to the tower. Yes, he might be holding hands with Tony Stark but Peter’s still young and nervous and learning the right words, so for now he settles for the glow of his thoughts and hopes they translate well into the soft look in his eyes whenever he looks at the profile of other man from the passenger seat.

 

+

 

They get to the tower around shortly before 11, and Peter’s still beaming from dinner and the fact that May actually said he could stay the night. She’s working anyway and it’s his birthday so even if she doesn’t like Mr. Stark very much, she’ll let this one slide after Peter had all but begged her on the phone when he’d gone to the bathroom after the cake and Tony had sung happy birthday to him with the other circle of servers in the most Tony Stark way possible, with a wink at the end that’d make Peter blush all the way to his toes when he’d gone to blow out the candles.

 

Maybe it was that orthe intoxicating bite of the chocolate cake that gave Peter that extra bit of courage to ask May, or maybe it was also the fact that every time Tony kisses him Peter’s thinking about last night and what’d they’d started and how he wants that again, wants to be good for Tony because god knows, Tony’s been perfect for Peter all day.

 

Peter knows it’s his birthday but he surprises Tony in theparked car anyway, stammering out “um okay so you don’t have to drive me home because Aunt May said I could stay with you for the night I mean, just so you don’t have to drive all the way to Queens because it’s late and um you know I thought it would be nice ? And maybe I should have asked you but uh I can’t stop thinking about last night and we’ve been kissing all day and I just,” Peter bites his lip and even though his heart is beating out of his chest and his brain thinks maybe this confession is a little too much right now _we’re in the garage for Christ’s sake Parker_ , “I just wanna be _good_ for you Tony? Like last night, except I uh actually want to t-taste you.”

 

Peter feels dumb in the silence immediately after his outburst because he can’t stop staring at Tony’s mouth which is a little open at all the words that Peter spilled out and it’s plush red like the wine Tony allowed him to sip and maybe Peter should have just kissed him and left the talking for later and great he’s probably ruined everything with his stupid big mouth and —

 

“God you’re killing me kid” Tony groans out, his eyes darker than before before Peter’s being pulled into Tony’s lap in the drivers seat of his expensive sports car, all whilekissing Peter like he’s the air Tony needs to breathe.

 

Tony sucks on his lower lip, biting down slow and Peter gasps at the sharp point of pleasure pain letting Tony’s tongue invade the warm cavern of his mouth. It’s filthy, Peter thinks, kissing like this, so wet and pink, he can’t tell where his lips begin and Tony’s end. They’re lost in this tangle of teeth and tongueand Peter’s gripping Tony’s shoulders because he can’t even think of what to do with his arms, he’s never ever been kissed like this.

 

Tony, though, is touching him everywhere. His hands have already pushed Peter’s blazer off so he can run his palms over Peter’s back, dragging nails gently over his spine and Peter knows there’s clothing in the way, but his crisp white shirt does nothing to dispel the feeling because ever since the spider bite he’s extra sensitive and the sensation flows through him completely. Peter can’t help but arch his back at that, mouth leaving Tony’s to moan “Mr. St-Stark” and Peter swears Tony almost growls at that, and grabs Peter’s hip to steady him at the same time Peter tries to pull him closer to Tony and then Tony’s freezing because _fuck_.

 

He’s big. Or feels big anyway, and Tony’s looking at Peter like he’s waiting for his reaction because yeah Peter’s never felt a grown man’s dick hard against his ass but it isn’t a bad feeling, just a little new. He doesn’t really know how to voice that to Tony so he moves his hips a fraction, just to test out what it’ll do and he thinks Tony gets the message the way his hand tightens around Peter’s hip, Peter’s name falling from his lips in a poorly suppressed groan.

 

“Damn kid, you make me feel like I’m the one who’s 16” Tony says, eyes dilated, and Peter blushes through his grin because he _did_ that.

 

“I’m just as bad as you Mr. Stark” Peter responds and with a tentative hand takes one of Tony’s palms and drags it till it’s over his own hard-on.Even through his dress pants, Peter can feel the heat of Tony’s hand, can already imagine the smooth feeling of his calluses wrapping around him —

 

Tony curses, as if he’s reading Peter’s mind and let’s his other hand snake around Peter’s neck to pull him in for another deep kiss, Peter’s hips moving on their own accord at the feeling of Tony’s mouth as he grinds down on Tony, leaving them both panting into each other’s mouth at how riled up they both are.It’s a heady moment, their mouths just breathing into each other, and Peter thinks not kissing Tony is almost as good as kissing Tony until the other man breaks the silence, a glint in his eyes.

 

“How about we take this upstairs?”

 

+

 

When they reach the penthouse, Tony can’t keep his hands off of Peter and Peter wouldn’t have it any other way. They’re still kissing, frantically and Tony pushes through the door to his room only to corner Peter up against the nearest wall and move his lips to the sharp lines of Peter’s neck, teeth grazing just so to set all of Peter’s nerve endings on fire.

 

Peter gasps as Tony sucks on a sensitive spot underneath his jawline,eyes flying open to finally take the room around him and he becomes speechless for a whole other reason, because Peter realizes he’s been in the tower but he’s never seen _Tony’s private room._

 

“It’s so b-big” Peter stammers out, moaning because Tony’s still kissing his neck and he’s distracted.

 

“Kid you flatter me too much” Tony groans, and Peter actually laughs because he forgot to think about his words. Tony pulls back at that, panting and looking at Peter quizzically in the eye.

 

“I mean yes but also I was um talking about your bed ? and room in general ? Mr. Stark it’s just wow” Peter finally gets out, a blush rising up his chest, bright as ever as he looks around.

 

There’s a giant Alaskan king in the middle of the room facing a view of the city and a balcony, the night lights glittering and reflecting on the neutral toned walls and making the whole room seem like a movie. The bed looks big, but also soft with all those pillows and a white throw blanket sitting on the edge that Peter just wants to wrap himself up in.

 

“You haven’t even noticed the best part” Tony whispers as he steps away from Peter, smirking as he pulls the boy with him as he walks Peter backwards until he’s falling into Tony’s bed which is softer than words can really imagine and his mouth is wide open and he probably seems like a mess right now his shirt slightly unbuttoned and the maroon blazer long forgotten, his hair disheveled from Tony’s hands and wow it really is a mess and —

 

Peter’s mouth gapes as he realizes he’s actually staring at his reflection in Tony’s ceiling. Well rather, in the giant pristine mirror that casually hovers over Tony’s bed and it really shouldn’t be that hot, but _fuck_.

 

Peter can’t take his eyes away. He wants to but then Tony’s getting on the bed next to him and whispering into his ear, biting softly down on his earlobe whispering how good Peter looks for him and Peter can actually see the way his eyes dilate in the mirror, note the exact color of the blush that Tony inspires, watch the growing tightness in his ownpants.He feels overwhelmed and the only thing he can think to croak out is, “ _Why_?”

 

Tony pauses his ministrations and turns his head so he’s staring at Peter in the mirror, and it’s even more intense than Peter could have imagined, Tony’s words only adding to the sensation as he lets the words spill “Why? Because Peter, you can finally see what I see, every time I make you fall apart, I want you to remember how stunning and gorgeous you look, how fucking hot you are, because I’m sure as hell never gonna forget how beautiful—“

 

Tony doesn’t even get time to finish his sentence because Peter can’t wait and he’s straddling Tony like in the car but this time there’s no steering wheel digging in his back as he grinds slow down on Mr. Stark and god does it feel good.

 

“Too. Many. Clothes, Peter” Tony mumbles against Peter’s mouth, and Peter agrees going to unbutton Tony’s shirt the same time Tony goes to unbutton his, and of course their hands get tangled up and it’s a lot less sexier than in the movies Peter’s seen and soon they’re both giggling into the space between them as Peter slides off Tony to kick off his pants and socks so he’s just in his boxers, Tony turning to do the samethen they’re both lying on their sides looking at each other.

 

Peter is turned on, knows Tony is too can see the hard outline of his cock trapped in his designer black boxers and Peter wants to touch, wants to taste Tony and his hand reaches out on his own volition only to find Tony’s calloused fingers wrapped around his wrist, stopping him.

 

Peter can’t help the sound that escapes him at being denied access to the one thing he really wants and he lets out a small whine, that has Tony taking his other hand and cardingit through his hair, gentle but firm.

 

“Shh, I know you want to but kid, you’re not 17 yet and even though really I would do anything for you, Iron Man can’t go to jail so we need some uh rules—” Tony tries to explain as Peter tries to test his hold anyway, the words flying out of his mouth.

 

“ — but Mr. Stark it’s my birthday and I’m not 17 but I’m not just some some dumb kid okay I just wanna be good for you _please_ I want this so much can you just make an exception I meant what I said in the car and” Peter doesn’t know where he’s going with this but there’s this ache inside him that’s so strong it hurts because he wants Mr. Stark, needs him, has dreamt of this for so long and he needs it to be real.

 

He didn’t expect the feeling to be so intense but Peter finds himself sitting up on the bed, unable to look at Tony in the eyes, because well it _hurts_. They’vebeen dancing around this all day and Peter thought he was so close but it seems like he couldn’t be farther from the truth and he feels so stupid for thinking it could be a reality, it’s just like the Tony in his head had said, the real Tony Stark could never really want him it’d just been a cruel joke and he feels the tears pinpricking his eyes before he can help it and god Tony’s right he’s _such a child_ —

 

“Hey, _hey_ _baby_ come on don’t cry, Peter I didn’t mean to make you cry you didn’t even let me finish, sweetheart” Tony says gently, and there’s something about those pet names that immediately soothe the ache inside Peter till he’s just sniffling as Tony pulls him until Peter’s back is flush with his own chest. “You’re so beautiful you know that?” Tony whispers, quiet and gentle and Peter chokes on his tears, “No I’m not, I’m crying”

 

“Still beautiful to me, sweetheart, you look so good for me” Tony replies, voice unwavering with affection and Peter’s forgetting why he’s crying to begin with because the words feel so good, he naturally leans back further into Tony’s touch.

 

“You like that don’t you, when I praise you” Tony says, voice rougher than before almost like it’s catching on a realization that Peter too was beginning to understand.

 

“Y-yes. I _love_ it Mr. Stark, I just wannabe your g-good boy, even if that means I can’t get to touch you.” Peter finally gets out, mumbling the words into Tony’s neck as he twists to press a small kiss there. He turns then as much as he can, determined to find Tony’s eyes as he says “tell me what I c-can do to to make you feel g-good Mr. Stark, I’ll do anything”

 

Tony kisses him then, lips insistent as he takes Peter’s hand and moves it down his abdomen until Peter’s hand is hovering over his own hard on, only to break the kiss with a glint in his eye and whisper “Start here”.

 

And Peter gets it then, that he can’t touch Tony just yet but he can still be good in other ways, still put on a show like last night, as he kicks off his iron man boxers to fist his cock in earnest as he lies back on Tony’s chest, the sensation running right through him, gasping when he catches the way Tony’s looking at him through the mirror.His eyes are dark and his lips are red from all the kissing, and he’s watching Peter like he couldn’t imagine being anywhere else, and it shakes Peter to know he’s seen that look before, hallucinated all those months ago before ever meeting Tony himself.

 

He can tell Tony’s is right there with him, sees the hand that isn’t running through his hair moving in Tony’s boxers in time with Peter’s hips, which are jumping off the bed in little aborted thrusts because fuck is he close.

 

“Is this uh good e-enough, Mr. Stark” Peter finds himself saying, in between the soft _ah-ah’s_ he’s letting out as he gets himself off.

 

“You’re doing great Peter, you look so good for me, so fucking gorgeous” Tony’s voice sounds wrecked, and Peter wants to see him, wants to see what he’s done to him, wants visible proof that it goes both ways.

 

“I wanna see you please Mr. Stark, let me see you” Peter begs, stopping his hand as he approached the brink of his orgasm. He didn’t want to come like this, he wanted to see Tony before he fell apart.

 

“Anything for you baby, here sit on my lap” Tony soothes, kicking off his boxers before moving Peter so the younger boy was straddling him again as Tony leans against the headboard.

 

“Better?” Tony asked, a small smirk on his face as he lazily stroked his hard cock, and Peter gripped his own tightly, back arching slightly as his eyes took in all seven inches of the older man. So Peter was right, he was big.

 

“Yeah” Peter said, but it came out breather than expected, and Tony’s smirk fell as his dick twitched in response.

 

“Peter, touch yourself for me. Show me what you like.”Tony’s voice rang out, quiet but demanding, as his left hand reached out to grip Peter’s hip grounding him.

 

“Y-Yes Mr. Stark” Peter’s hand moves fast now, wetand dirty as precome drizzles freely from his tip.

 

“God, look at you, so wet for me, listening so well” Tony begins, groaning at the image of the boy in front of him, cock flushed pink like the blush painting Peter’s cheeks.

 

“I’m close Mr. Stark fuck oh my god “ Peter babbles and Tony reaches up to kiss him, open mouthed and languid, a total contrast to the blur of his fist in his lap.

 

”Let go baby, I wanna see you come, you look so beautiful come for me, Peter” Tony moans into the heat between their mouths as Peter gasps, so gone for the man holding him, so gone for Mr. Stark, andhe feels the words Tony says right down to the base of his spine as his orgasm overtakes him, and he’s moaning Tony’s name.

 

“Tony, Tony, _Tony_ ”Peter repeats like a prayer because it’s the only thing he can remember, as he comes all over his fist, back arching so he can see the O his mouth makes in the mirror above them, face flushed red.

 

“oh fuck, Peter ”

 

Peter blinks through the haze of his orgasm and watches as Tony comes groaning his name, low and dangerous, shiny white come painting his chest and abs. Peter’s mouth suddenly feels wet, eyes in a trance.

 

Tony shudders through the aftershocks, body loose and catches Peter staring at his chest. Tony frownsat the mess, “Ah sorry about that kid, I’ll go get something to clean up with” and Tony makes a move to get up, only to have Peter’s spider strength push him back down against the headboard.

 

“Peter?”

 

“I sorry I’m really I just fuck it’s my birthday and I just really want to taste you “ Peter manages finally, throat tight with want and he can’t even look at Tony in the eye because he just wants to put his mouth on Tony’s abs and lick.

 

“Fuck Peter you’re going to be the death of me” Tony groans and Peter just sits there because, he needs Tony’s permission and it’s Tony’s turn to be choked up as he says “Yes you can fuck you can taste me, Peter.”

 

And Peter kisses him then, slowly and sensuously, moving his mouth south as he spends the next few minutes mapping out Tony’s body with his mouth sucking and licking the come off his collarbone and chest and abs, not missing a single spot, because it’s saltysweet with the right tang of bitterness that Peter could swallow all day.

 

Tony thinks this is infinitely better idea than getting a wash cloth, and when Peter’s all done, Tony can’t resist flipping Peter onto his back,pushing him down into the mattress and kissing the taste of him out of Peter’s mouth.“How’d I taste?” he asks, soft and looking into Peter’s dazed eyes.

 

“Really good” Peter whispers, honest and blissful. Everything felt really good. Tony kissed him one more time before getting up to grab a towel to clean up Peter and then leaving again to use the bathroom. Peter thought about putting on his iron man boxers but they’d been pretty ruined to begin with and settled on just grabbing the white throw blanket he’d first eyed when he walked into the room to cocoon into, the tiredness seeping into his bones. He was softly drifting off, half consciouswhen Tony came back, wearing a new pair of boxers (red this time, Peter noted) who took one look at Peter, his eyes crinkling in a soft smile, and declared “glad we understand that I am always the big spoon, scoot over Parker.”

 

Even through the growing weight behind his eyelids, Peter found himself laughing at that. Tony’s arms wrapped around him underneath the blanket, his breath warming the nape of Peter’s neck and Tony placed a gentle kiss there.“Happy Birthday, Peter.”

 

“Good night Mr. Stark” Peter mumbled into the incredibly soft sheets, his fingers intertwined with Tony as he fell asleep, not even thinking about nightmares for the first time in a long time.

 

+

 

“Mr. Stark?” Peter mumbles, mostly asleep as the morning light filters into the bedroom but he’d heard a strange clicking sound that woke him up and he couldn’t really place it, spider sense and all.

 

Tony shifts besides him, sleepy eyes blinking awake and Peter turns to kiss him because, wow he’s waking up next to _Tony Stark_.

 

“Good morning to you too, kid” Tony says, voice raspy with sleep and Peter’s biting his lip because it shouldn’t be as hot as it is.“Sleep well?”

 

“Better than I ever have in a long time. Your sheets are so soft, Mr. Stark?!”

 

“Just the sheets huh”

 

“I mean from what I can tell, you’re the opposite of um soft.”

 

“Touché, Parker”Tony says, a laugh that turns into a moan as Peter presses his ass back against his very obvious morning wood.

 

“God, don’t you want breakfast kid?”

 

“You look good enough to eat Mr. Stark so I think I’ll be just fine.”

 

Tony kisses him first then, rolling on top of Peter, the comforter pooling around them in a sea of white.

 

“Is that so?”

 

And Peter wants to stay here forever, in this moment withTony Stark looking down at him with sleepy brown eyes and bed hair and surprisingly sweet morning breath, a laugh trapped underneath his smile, lips already pink from Peter’s mouth, just so normal and real that Peter could do this all day.

 

But then he hears the clicking noise, and it sounds like it’s getting closer but then again it’s his spider-sense so who knows, and he wants to tell Tony but Tony’s ducking to kiss him and Peter’s not about to let his spider sense come in between him and a lap full of Tony Stark.

 

So when Peter hears the clicking noise abruptly stop andsomeone say “Tony?”, he almost doesn’t believe it but then Tony’s freezing, and Peter can hear the way his heart beat spikes, the rush of anxiety he’s familiar with.

 

Tony’s climbing off of him immediately and looking at someone standing at the bedroom door, which was now thrown open and Peter wants to see, but it’s almost like Tony’s trying to shield him from whoever’s there. Peter hears the clicking sound again, and the only thing he can make out is a pair of black heels walking further into the bedroom, that is until Tony says in a frigid voice,

 

“I’m going to stop you right there, Pepper.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the cliffhanger but comments make me work faster just saying !!! thank you for reading now come scream with me ahhhhhh


	10. Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sorry, but of all things to come back to, you fucking a teenager isn’t something I’m prepared to deal with sober.” Her voice is sharp and familiar and it shakes Tony to hear it again, that bitterness he missed so desperately after she’d gone, because even her violent tone beat the silence, the emptiness he found following him everywhere. Peter had helped, had brought some needed noise and movement back into his hollow life.
> 
>  
> 
> The hollowness that Pepper had created.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my pals,  
> we are bACk with another chapter. this one took a bit to write just because evil pepper is evil and reminds me too much of my manipulative ex girlfriend from high school, so fair warning for that. this is not a happy chapter, soz, but i promise it'll all work out in the end, sometimes love takes a detour. sometimes you gotta lose what you want to realize how badly you want it. 
> 
> thank you for fee for boosting me for my Tony @ Pepper shade and also just being my lil safety blanket. you make summer feel real again. 
> 
> as always, thank you for all of you for your kudos and comments on the last chapter and this story in all. it fills me the most amount of joy to see this little project grow, and i love love love all your comments, i read every single one. you all are talented and wonderful readers, and i could not be a luckier person to get to write for you. 
> 
> another thing, for all you new friends, i have a spotify playlist for this fic that i aggressively use and it's got all the songs from the previous chapters as well as some songs and ideas for the upcoming chapters if y'all want to guess where the story is going/ listen to some bopping' tunes here is the link so you can follow and scream with me: https://open.spotify.com/user/armeeyah/playlist/1EkbSdEcyo5L3vPsTvlKnw?si=b40ls1cfQHOLYTxptFf5UA

_ There's a mark on my skin _

_ Make you hot with shame _

_ 'Cause I'm in love with the sin _

_ And I know how to take the blame  _

\-- Palo Santo, Years & Years 

 

“Mr. Stark --”  Peter begins and Tony can’t think at all, body running on the frantic instinct that he needs to get Peter out of here, before Pepper figures it all out, before this breaks anymore than it already has. He needs to assert himself before she gets any closer, can already see the anger building, but god damn it, he’s the one who deserves to be angry. 

 

“Pepper, what are you doing here?”  Tony cuts Peter off, walking towards Pepper, grabbing her by the arm, dragging her out of the room, the door closing  behind them. He can hear Peter calling his name down the hallway, but he’ll deal with that in a second. 

 

“FRIDAY inform the young man about an exit, as I deal with Ms. Potts. Tell him I will speak to him later, and get Happy to drive him back.” 

 

“Got it, sir.” 

 

Pepper yanks her arm back from Tony, stalks past the living room, and heads straight towards the bar.  Tony raises an eyebrow, that used to be his move, and she catches him watching her as she downs half a cup of his good scotch. 

 

“Sorry, but of all things to come back to, you fucking a teenager isn’t something I’m prepared to deal with sober.”  Her voice is sharp and familiar and it shakes Tony to hear it again, that bitterness he missed so desperately after she’d gone, because even her violent tone beat the silence, the emptiness he found following him everywhere. Peter had helped, had brought some needed noise and movement back into his hollow life. 

 

The hollowness that Pepper had created. 

 

He doesn’t say anything, still trying to grasp that she’s here, standing, pouring another drink, looking at him with those painful eyes in the Tower again. “In our bedroom too, god, I thought you’d be decent enough to use one of the other rooms for your mistakes.” 

 

She’s mean when she’s tipsy, Tony knows best of all, but still can’t stop snapping back sarcastically  “It hasn’t been  _ our _ bedroom for months, Pep.” and her glass hits the counter with a resounding thud that resonates around them both, the tension between them cracking like thunder.  

 

“How old was he Tony? 19? 17? Has he even graduated high school? Or is that not something the agency told you when you asked for him?” Pepper bites back. 

“It isn’t like that --”

  
“Oh but isn’t it Tony? I know you like shiny young things and wasting money. I bet Friday would know more, I should just ask her since she just let me walk into this place without even blinking. Friday you’re on my side aren’t you --”

 

“Just because I was too fucked up to reprogram your clearance level out of the AI after we broke up doesn’t mean FRIDAY is on your side. There aren’t any sides to this, Pepper. “

 

“You sure about that?  FRIDAY tell me everything you have on Tony’s little visitor from last night, name perhaps--.”

 

Peter’s face immediately flashes into Tony’s mind and he’s cutting her off, walking two steps closer, his voice loud,  “FRIDAY do not answer any of Ms. Potts questions until I give express authorization on the subject of our visitor from last night.” 

 

Maybe it’s because Tony rarely raised his voice when they used to fight, or maybe it’s the alcohol now flooding her system, but a realization dawns across Pepper’s face as she narrows her eyes. “You aren’t even paying him, are you? No, you actually care about this kid.” 

 

Her voice is stilted and Tony can’t help the mirthless giggle that falls from his lips, only adding to the blasphemous turn of this conversation. “What gave me away?” 

 

It was Pepper’s turn to laugh and the humorless sound echoes around his living room, “You never let them stay the night, and even if you do, you never let them wake up to you because you can’t sleep easy with people. God knows,  you couldn’t even with me.” 

 

She’s right of course, the nightmares were often and in between, constantly haunting his waking hours and then some. It had driven her insane, not being able to snap him out of them whenever he would wake up screaming, clawing his chest. She had finally moved into a separate bedroom, and stopped trying to get Tony back into bed altogether, and he was content spending his insomniac hours in the Lab tinkering away from her. It’s what worked best for them. 

 

He hadn’t even processed last night with Peter, much less the lack of nightmares or fitful sleep he usually experienced. It’d all felt like a dream, surreal, since the moment Peter had kissed him in the car. Tony had acted purely on instinct and impulse, heady with the pleasure and comfort he found in the boy. It’d been a luxury, to act so brazenly but confidently. 

 

A silence envelops them, until Pepper speaks again, her voice gentle for the first time since she’s Tony , “What does a teenager have that I didn’t Tony, I went through so much for you, I - I- I” and it’s her softness that jarrs Tony out of his head, and he refuses to do this right now,  again, with her. 

 

“Left”,  Whatever patience Tony had for Pepper Potts vanishes, and he feels the empty rage she had created in her absence all those months ago rising like bile in his throat. "You left Pepper. You said you couldn't watch me die again and you left the tower to run the company remotely, and I didn’t fucking stop you because you told me not to try. That it wouldn’t be worth it. Not after everything. So I’m gonna ask again.” Tony feels tired, “ What are you doing here ? . " 

 

Pepper freezes at that, looks at Tony like she’s really seeing him for the first time since they’ve started this yelling match, and Tony stares right back. He sees the designer heels, the well fitting grey dress, the bracelet that he probably bought her back when money could actually fix what they had, and her blue eyes, which were once familiar like a beacon that brought him back home. Now, they glazed over at him, full of pain and doubt. 

 

“I want to try again.” Pepper starts, and Tony can’t believe it. Tony feels his stomach fall out, because it was what he had wanted for so long when she’d first left, had drunk himself into a stupor thinking it’d never happen and now she’s here, giving him what he’d once wished for, trying to act like nothing’s changed. The words sound almost mechanical, but she keeps going,   “I mean I know it’s hard dating you, I’m not going to sugarcoat it Tony, with Iron Man and the Avengers and all that, you’re hard to love, but I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m still in love with you, despite all your problems.” 

 

And Tony wants to scream, that they’re not  _ problems _ , that he  _ chose  _ this, but they’ve had this conversation a million times before and it’s always  narrowed down to the same damn thing, that it’s one thing to date Tony Stark, but another to date Iron Man,  _ and I can’t tell which one’s worse _ Pepper had cried even though Tony knew she’d meant him.  It’s always been about him. 

 

She steps closer to him, and Tony can smell her perfume, the expensive seduction of what once was. “So what’d you say? Just like old times, Tony. I’ve missed you.” 

 

Tony knows he should say  _ I missed you too, Pep,  _ should kiss her before she can get any more words out, should go back to passable sex and loud arguments, the dizzy familiarity of the both of them together. God knows it would only help the company and he’s not getting any younger, and he doesn’t want to die alone, not really anyway, so it’s the perfect rational choice. Tony knows this. 

 

Yet he can’t bring himself to move, to do anything except stare blankly at the woman he once knew how to love, look at the blue of her eyes and search for the warmth and acceptance he so easily found in Peter’s brown ones. 

 

_ She’s not him, and you know it.  _

  
  
  


She grabs his hand and it takes everything in him to not flinch, but he’s not strong enough to hide the hesitation that flickers past his eyes. 

 

Her eyes narrow, and her voice is venom “Are you seriously considering a 16 year old over me?” and  Tony finally  _ cracks _ , because it’s true  he can’t stop thinking about Peter.  He’s everywhere. Even in this argument, the back of Tony’s mind was nagging him to know if Peter got home safe. A couple hours ago it’d been Peter’s 16th birthday, and the memories are fresh in his mind, the details gnawing at the edges of his spine: the curve of Peter’s back when he came, the sharp gasps he couldn’t control, the warmth of his smile whenever Tony kissed him. It should make Tony sick but he bared the shame with a heat that rose deep within him. 

 

He searches for words to echo back at her, to say anything to get them off this topic, because it’s too close to the real sin in Tony’s mind, but when he looks back up at her, it’s too late. His mask had slipped, for a dangerous moment, and the damage had been done. 

 

Pepper’s face looks beyond horrified and she steps away from him, fast.  “ _ SIXTEEN?  _ Tony, tell me you’ve got to be kidding me. You’re fucking a  _ sixteen year old?  _ You could go to jail, put entire company is at risk, are you even hearing me right now?” Her hands are shaking as she tries to straighten out her dress, a nervous habit Tony recognized from when she was more aggressively running the company, “Did you even make the kid sign a non-disclosure agreement? You know he could go to the media, or worse they could go to him? Anyone could put the dots together, doesn’t matter what agency you got him from to begin with, he’s sixteen and that’s illegal in a whole other way. Iron Man won’t save you from this public massacre. I knew you liked them young, but Tony,  He’s a  _ KID.  _  How could you be so fucking  _ stupid _ ? Are you really that pathetic?” 

 

She’s panting, and if it were possible, he’d probably see steam rising from her ears, like in the  movies, because man is she  _ pissed.  _

 

Tony, on the other hand, can feel himself shutting down. Her words sting, they sit in his throat and slice away at whatever apology he wanted to give to Peter about this morning, the truth hitting him like a bucket of cold water. 

 

_ You’re the adult, you should have known better.  _

 

The voice in his head sounds surprisingly like Pepper, as the self loathing he’d been keeping at bay about the entire situation overtakes him. It spreads like dark ink, blinding his thoughts, and he doesn’t even try pulling away when she pulls him in for a hug, only to whisper sharply in his ear. 

 

“End this before I have to. ”

 

He doesn’t move from where he’s standing, even after she pours herself another drink and leaves. 

 

+

  
And it’s over before it really even starts, or at least that’s what Tony tells himself to breathe around the Peter-shaped wound he was about to create in his heart. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENTS MAKE ME WORK FASTER, yell down below to speed up some heavy Peter Angst that will be coming your way soon.


	11. Peter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He felt tears prick his eyes and he realized he’d slept through dinner, as his stomach growled gently. May had left money for pizza but Peter couldn’t imagine handling a phone call right now, even if it was for a delivery. Besides, the one person he wanted to talk to wouldn’t even answer his texts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty folks it's like 3 am and this is a bit short because originally this chapter was gonna be super long, but i'm splitting it into two parts for the sake of organization and also because i don't want to keep y'all waiting too much but yes here is promised peter angst, more is coming as always, i am so tired but i literally can't sleep because this story is like 95% of my thoughts these days. also special emphasis to this song for this chapter bc it works really fucking well for this chapter as well as the one following it if you want a sneak peak to the angst, do recommend. 
> 
> as always, comments and kudos are so appreciated and i am so thrilled for each response i get, please come yell with me down below. i am amazed by all of you daily. 
> 
> another chapter dedicated to fee because well, i love you and it's late and you listen better than most.

_ Holding up for you but you gave me no sign _

_ Holding up for you, am I wasting my time? _

_ You know I don't regret when I said too much _

_ But I'm hating myself when I come undone _

\-- Can’t Help Myself, Now Now

+

 

**_Pepper Potts and Tony Stark: Proof that Iron Man Can’t Save Everything!_ **

 

Peter clicked out of another article, because it wasn’t helping. They’d broken up. That’s what all the sites had said, in their own gloriously dramatic way. It’d been emotionally messy, but the stocks hadn’t dropped, so far as the real world was concerned, a clean cut, done in the best way possible. Pepper was still CEO, Tony was still the billionaire genius, and all it took was hiring a few more mediators to keep the balance, so neither would have to interact with the other in the professional world and otherwise. 

 

_ Or that is until this morning.  _

 

Peter’s mind supplied, and he really shouldn’t be thinking about this. But he’s already finished all his work, cleaned his room, patrolled for a little while, and cooked Aunt May a late lunch. There’s nothing left to do except  _ think  _  and let the rush of last night wash over him,  alongside the anxiety of today morning. 

 

_ Why is she back? Mr. Stark never mentioned her except formally all the time we’ve been talking. And we’ve been talking for some time. Like a full two months. Shit. That isn’t that long. Or is it ? Should I have waited ? Maybe the FaceTime sex thing was too much. What if he’s mad at me for pushing him? What if I wasn’t good enough in person? He did mention the age thing, but like it was hot. Right? He did get off, so I probably wasn’t that bad. But Pepper’s probably better. She’s older, she knows more.  _

 

_ She knows him. _

  
  


+

 

Peter doesn’t want to move. The sun was gone, Queens is loud, and he didn’t expect to spend his Saturday lying in his bed in with no other aim in sight. 

 

But May had left for work a couple hours ago and something inside him had broken the second he was truly alone. The silence ran him over. Once the tears started falling, Peter knew he was done for. He’d made it to his bed, and stayed there, long after the crying had stopped and curled into a ball, staring blankly at the window until it hurt too much to keep his eyes open. 

 

But now he was awake, because there’d been an accident down the road and he wasn’t wearing his mask so the spider senses picked up the horrible screeching noise of metal against metal sharply enough to snap him out of his reverie. Honestly, though the sound was jarring enough to wake him and set off a small headache behind his eyes, he was grateful for the nightmare it had interrupted. How ironic that now he could fall asleep,  he wished he couldn’t. Depression naps were mean like that. 

 

He checked his new Starkphone again, desperate, even though he knew that there’d be no answer to his texts.  

 

Peter, 12:15 pm: 

**Hey Mr. Stark, I just wanted to say thank you for last night and all of yesterday. It really was the best birthday ever.**

 

Peter, 3:47 pm:

**The Starkphone is really cool btw, I’m enjoying it. I hope your day is going well** !

 

Peter, 6:00 pm:

**What are you up to? Aunt May’s working another night shift.**

 

And that’s been his day. Texting Mr. Stark in fits of anxiety, believing at first he was good enough to get a response, wanting to soothe his fear that nothing had changed, that Pepper Potts was all a bad dream. 

 

But of course, Peter had only made matters worse, and now he was painfully aware that he was being ignored. And that the only thing that had changed was she was back. Mr. Stark’s ex-girlfriend.

 

He felt tears prick his eyes and he realized he’d slept through dinner, as his stomach growled gently. May had left money for pizza but Peter couldn’t imagine handling a phone call right now, even if it was for a delivery.  Besides, the one person he wanted to talk to wouldn’t even answer his texts. 

 

Peter knew it was pathetic, it was approaching midnight and Tony, though awake, wasn’t going to respond because that’s just not what they’re doing right now apparently. 

 

Peter, 11:43 pm

**I miss you.**

 

He sends it anyway, before he can chicken out. The words burn past his fingers, and Peter prays he’ll get a response because he’d just laid down a card for Mr. Stark, the only card he had left: the truth. It’s hard being vulnerable but he had to take a chance. 

 

_ I might not be worth it but you are, Mr. Stark. I’ll always choose you.  _

 

Peter curls himself around his phone, and lets his weary eyes fall shut, empty stomach be damned. 

 

+

 

Tony calls him at 3:50 am. 

 

Peter almost falls out of the bed, trying to pick up, manages to make his fingers work by the fourth ring. 

 

“I didn’t think you would pick up.” Tony says at the same time Peter whispers “I didn’t think you’d call.”

 

They both pause at that, breathing synced still across the distance between them. It felt intimate to Peter, more so than what they’d done last night. 

 

“Sorry if I woke you up, kid.” 

  
“You don’t have to apologize for that.” Peter immediately says, and wonder if Tony can read between the lines, that even just this phone call felt like a privilege. 

 

“You’re right. I just, I saw your texts, Peter. And I am sorry for not responding. But things have been busy.”  Tony’s voice sounds stilted, restrained, and Peter can feel the warning bells of anxiety creeping back. 

 

“That’s okay, Pepper is your CEO, she probably had a really important reason to talk to you on a weekend, you don’t have to explain Mr. Stark, I understand. Sorry for spamming you, I should have just put two and two together. Your work is more important.” Peter rambles, because maybe if he talks enough, they’ll sound like they used to, where everything was okay. 

 

“Right. Peter. About that. About Pepper.” Tony starts, and Peter can hear him exhale deeply on the other end of the line, almost as if it pains him to say it. “And last night and this morning--” 

 

“We don’t have to talk about it, Tony, it’s okay.” Peter says surprising himself, even though he all day he’d been desperate to know how Tony felt about him, about what had started between them, the line they’d crossed the second Peter had seen his reflection in that big, big mirror above Tony’s bed. He wanted some admission to ease the painful hammering of his heart,  but above all, Peter just wanted Tony to  _ stay _ . And the truth had a way of driving a wedge between people, so he’ll take the comfort of these lies, the small talk over facing radio silence again anyday. 

 

“Kid”

 

“Mr. Stark”

 

“I’ve never been good at this kind of thing.” Tony says after a pause, and Peter can hear the fatigue, can hear how tired the older man sounds. It’s sick but it gives him a spark of hope, that maybe he hadn’t been the only one miserable with the sudden stonewall, the dark divide that had arisen between them thanks to a stranger.

 

_ Not just a stranger, his ex-girlfriend, Peter.  _

 

“I miss you, Peter.” Tony says, and Peter’s shocked because it was almost like Tony could read through his insecurities just from the sound of his breathing. “I miss you so fucking much, kid.” 

 

If Peter didn’t know better, he’d say Mr. Stark was on the verge of breaking. The way Tony had said it, it felt like this very sentiment was the first thing Tony had actually wanted to tell Peter, even though they’d been on the phone for the past fifteen minutes. It felt real, it felt like digging underneath all the surface words they’ve been echoing back at each other. 

 

“I miss you too, Mr. Stark. I said it in the text, but I just want to say it again. Because it’s the most honest thing to me right now. I miss you. I miss you. _ I miss you. _ ” Peter can’t stop the words from falling out of his mouth, hoping they’ll land wherever Tony is right now, and give him the same sort of comfort that Tony’s had given him. 

 

_ I wish you were here _ he wants to add,  _ I can’t stop thinking about kissing you again.  _

 

(But it’s late and Peter knows better than to push right now. He’ll push tomorrow morning maybe, when it’s later and they still have each other. It’s all going to be okay, so totally okay. Right?) 

 

Instead. 

 

“What are you doing right now?” Tony asks, his voice raw. 

 

“Other than talking to you? Nothing really, Mr. Stark”  Peter lets out a little laugh, the first one all day. It sounds foreign in his throat. 

 

“Do you. Do you want to see me?” He sounds afraid, Peter realizes with a start. It confuses him,  _ Tony Stark? Scared?  _

 

“All the time, Mr. Stark. Yes. Yes I’d love to.” 

 

“Okay Parker, because I’m already downstairs.”  Peter sits up, reaches out to peer through his blinds and look down at the street in front of his apartment. Sure as hell, he saw the sleek glow of a familiar black Audi A7.

 

“So whenever you’re ready, I’m here.” 

 

Peter’s walking out the door as soon as Tony hangs up. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments make me work faster duh wow come yell with me i literally am typing this instead of sleeping, another update coming soon now featuring tony & peter and also angst!!! and maybe angry sex? who knows. whoops. i have said too much.


	12. Peter & Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When it's over, it's really over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hi it's me again yes two chapters in one day? you've got to be kidding me, but hey! I needed to get this out, because the chapter pretty much wrote itself and i feel emotionally drained after writing it, so um yeah here enjoy. it's long. like 4.6k words long, because it's important and also i just love you all. more notes at the end of this one because i think uh. just read it. just read the thing.

_If I could see through walls, I could see you're faking_

_If you could see my thoughts you would see our faces_

_Safe in my rental like an armored truck back then_

_We didn't give a fuck back then_

_I ain't a kid no more_

_We'll never be those kids again_

\-- Ivy, Frank Ocean

 

+

 

Tony is a little stunned when he sees Peter.

 

Not because he’s simply gorgeous, because he is of course, even in the middle of the night with no time to prepare, his skin is smooth and glows in the shadows of the streetlight, his body is taught underneath the thin white of his periodic table shirt, dark sweatpants low on his hips; Peter is a mirage, too good to be true, and Tony is stunned.

 

Stunned because Peter’s a thing of love and pain, and Tony’s hopeless.

 

Hopeless in that his jaw is tight when he notices alongside Peter’s aching beauty, the angry redness in his eyes, swollen slightly almost as if he’d been crying recently, and the bitten stubs of his nails, almost bleeding at parts. Hopeless in that he knows he’s probably the cause of that.

 

“Hi” Peter says, climbing into the backseat next to Tony (thank god for self driving cars), smiling like nothing had changed even though his eyes said otherwise. Tony wishes he was a better man.

 

A better man would have explained himself on the phone, wouldn’t have brought the very thing he was supposed to be running from into the backseat of his car.

 

Instead, Tony only manages to whisper “C'mere kid” before he’s got his arms full of Peter Parker, wrapping him up in the tightest hug physically possible. Peter straddles his lap, and it would’ve been sexy had the circumstances been different. There’s a searching look in his eye and Tony knows what Peter wants, had known it the second the boy had jumped into his life four months ago, and maybe for a moment, yesterday, Tony had thought t _his is the boy who wins me over, Peter Parker might be the first person to make me stay_ but alas with Pepper’s arrival it seemed that fate had other plans.

 

 _In another life, maybe I could be so lucky to live in your dream, kid_ Tony thinks, eyes weary as he kisses Peter’s forehead and holds the boy close as F.R.I.D.A.Y drives them to diner, right on schedule.

 

+

  
  


Peter had forgotten how hungry he was from skipping dinner, and Tony as always had indulged him, so he was on his third burger and second stack of pancakes all while Tony watched him across the booth drinking his black coffee and occasionally stealing a curly fry or two.

 

It was almost 5 am and this between them, the heavy but comfortable silence, almost feels normal. It’s their time, the rest of the world was sleeping, yet here they were still wound up in each other’s orbits. Almost nobody else was in the diner, which is exactly why Tony had probably chosen it.  He’s still anxious but Tony had held him the entire way here, fingers tracing gentle patterns into his scalp, and Peter felt his lungs expand with air that didn’t burn anymore. They hadn’t talked, not really since the phone call, but Tony’s here with him so Peter will take it.

 

Their ankles brush underneath the diner table, and Peter catches Tony checking his phone for the seventh time since they sat down. He doesn’t want to ask, to start this, but curiosity gets the better of him.

 

“Does she know you’re here?” With the way Tony looks at him, eyes widening, phone hitting the table with soft thud of a cursed object, he almost doesn’t expect a response.

 

“God no Peter, but  I just told her I’d be out and she thinks you’re some normal teenager probably with a sleep schedule, so we’re safe for now.”  Tony scoffs, and pockets the phone after a long moment.

 

“For now”, Peter echoes back, and the hamburger he’d just downed felt queasy in his stomach.

 

Tony doesn’t say anything to that, just finishes his coffee resolutely and Peter wishes he could just keep eating but the nauseous feeling is back and he gulps some water, hoping it’ll go away.

 

But then Tony starts talking.

 

“So I’ll be gone for a while.” Tony says, playing with his now empty coffee cup, refusing to look Peter in the eye. “For the rest of the month or so, or I don’t know how long, a lot of international stuff, Pepper needs my face for the business.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Tony barrels on, voice sounding more alien with each passing word, “And I was just thinking, you’re starting school next month, but now I’ll be busy outside the country, the circumstances have changed  so you know”

 

“I know?” Peter knows he’s acting dumb, but he wants to hear Tony say it. Wants him to look him in the eyes when he’s breaking Peter’s heart.

 

“You know it wouldn’t make sense for this to continue anymore.”

 

+

 

Tony knows he’s lying, he’s lying through his goddamn teeth and he can feel his heart physically constrict  as the words leave his mouth. Pepper had coached him, wanted to make sure Tony didn’t piss the boy off into creating what she quoted as a “PR nightmare”.

 

He’d just sat in the meeting and listened, had dinner with her after like it was another part of this job, and read Peter’s texts over and over till he could almost hear the  kid’s voice because while he might be trying to do the right thing, he was still weak.

 

He can’t even look Peter in the eyes.

 

+

 

Peter’s not listening, can’t anyway, because as soon as he hears the sentence fall from Tony’s lips into the space between them, he feels a faint ringing in his ears and the diner table creaks with the impression of his fingers because he’s holding on so tight. Tony still isn’t looking at him.

 

“I mean we don’t have to be exclusive Mr. Stark, I know I’m not the age of consent so you can find someone else to um take care of that when you’re abroad, I understand”

 

“Peter —“ Tony starts and Peter won’t shut up because no, no, no, Mr. Stark doesn’t get to break up with him while looking at his coffee mug.

 

“— And I’ll still text you and call you and we can FaceTime? I mean I know you’ll be busy and me too with school and patrolling and  Aunt May, but I’ll make time for you, I always will Mr. Stark “

 

 _Look at me_ , he wants to scream, _look at me because it isn’t real until you do._

 

“Kid it isn’t —“

 

Peter feels like he’s standing at the edge of a chasm, doing his best to hold onto anything at all.

 

“It might not be enough I know but if you just give me one more chance I can show you I can be good I’m sorry I know I’m not much but —“

 

“I’m with Pepper.”

 

+

 

Tony’s a liar. He doesn’t even know why he says it, why he plays into Peter’s fear, does exactly what Pepper told him not to do because j _ealousy was never a good look on anyone, and that’s exactly what journalists hunt for, Tony._

 

He isn’t even with her, technically. He had tried to be, after her little confession. Taken her out to lunch, gotten them both tipsy, and then brought her back to the tower, her hands unbuttoning his shirt on the elevator up; just like old times. He’d fucked her from behind  in the living room with the same perfunctory method he had for any usual hook up, lost in the haze of alcohol and sex and bad decisions. She could have been anyone and it was that thought alone that pushed him over the edge, into the numbing solitude that followed the manic high. It’d been almost normal for Tony. However, in the aftermath when they were both lying in their sweat, Pepper had tried to kiss him, and he had flinched without meaning to. Something hard had crossed her face then, and she’d picked up her clothes and left without another word.

 

Later he got a text from her saying they should keep dating, in terms of appearances, for the sake of the company but he was free to see whoever else he liked discreetly, as long as it wasn’t anything illegal like the sixteen year old boy.

 

 _What about when he turns 17?_ He’d texted back, stupidly.

 

_Just leave it, Tony. Anyone but him. Please._

 

She’d dragged him into the best way to break up meeting not long after, and all Tony could think was that she was right about one thing. Jealousy wasn’t a good look on anyone.

 

+

  
  


Peter should feel jealous, should want to throw a fit about the fact that he lost out to Pepper Potts, and he knows eventually that pain will surface but right now, all he could feel was the rush of abandonment, of being left behind _again._

 

“That soon, huh?”

 

He sees Tony’s jaw tighten, and Peter chokes back a sob, as he hears Tony trying to regain control of the conversation, to protect Peter from the harshness of his own reality, “No, it isn’t like that Peter, you’re perfect okay,  you’re so fucking good, you didn’t do anything wrong, —“

 

Peter feels small, and for the first time, doesn’t believe him. All the magic of being around Tony was fading, fizzling out into the rampant rhythm of his heartbeat, till all Peter could here was a silent ringing in his head.

 

“But you don’t want me”  

 

His own voice sounds hollow and Tony’s talking still, in some far away way, and Peter’s only catching parts of it.

 

“She’s just reminded me of a few things I have to think about as an adult, and she knows me better than most people and honestly I’m lucky to have her back, despite how badly I had ended things, she still wants me”

 

It all sounds like a lie. Tony’s eyes appear vacant and there’s nothing sharp in the way he talks, just words spilling like ink. Peter’s sure he’s deflecting, but asks anyway.

 

“Do you want her?”

 

+

 

Tony doesn’t feel like he’s really having a conversation anymore, he’d turned to autopilot mode the second Peter had asked _but don’t you want me_ , with tears shining in his eyes, still so brave and strong. Peter was already a better man than him.

 

“And besides why am I even talking about her, I think it would have happened anyway better now than later you know, really Peter looking at this rationally, how it would have even worked?”

 

He doesn’t even wait for Peter to respond, because the boy was crying now, silently, and something inside Tony broke knowing he’d finally done what he came here to do, and all that was left was to hammer in the final nails. He keeps talking, spewing random lines Pepper had drilled into his brain, bullshit like:

 

“I’m doing this for you, but also I’m doing this for me, I know this is for the best in the long-term”

 

“I’m saving you a lot of pain you should be grateful”

 

“As the adult talking, trust me when I say you’ll get over this and that everything will be okay.”

 

Tony’s never hated himself more.

 

+

 

Peter feels the tears hit his palms the same moment Tony asks for the check, hands scrubbing at his face as he tips the waitress generously and tells Peter he’ll be waiting in the car.

 

Peter’s got his knees up, curled up in this diner booth with strangers probably watching him with pity, and he wants to stop, wants to stop acting like the fucking kid that he is, that Tony thinks he is.

 

The thing is, Peter isn’t just sad anymore. No, the hurt was bleeding away into anger and he felt like he was barely containing it, his body overwhelmed by this need to scream _What about me ? Where am I in this? You’ve talked right through me._ To do something rash to make sure Tony can see him again, properly see him, like that last night where it was almost like they were on the same page.

 

He feels empty, properly empty, for the first time since Uncle Ben died, his nerves paper thin as he manages to crawl out of the booth into the dark parking lot. He’s barely holding it together, any spark from Tony, Peter knows he won’t be able to control himself, white knuckled fists hiding in his pockets.

 

The car’s waiting for him and Tony doesn’t say a word as he sits pressed against the window, as far away from the other man as possible, just signals the FRIDAY to start taking them back to Queens.

 

+

 

_If you love me baby let me hear you say it_

_I know I'm your favorite_

_First you love me then you leave me in the basement_

_I know I'm your favorite_

 

It’s past 5 am and everything is too quiet. The radio plays the beginning of a song that Tony’s half listening to, a midnight sultry tune. Peter hadn’t said a word the entire drive back and Tony thinks he’s exhausted his use of language around the boy plenty enough at the diner. He doubts Peter will ever want to hear his voice again.

 

The car slows to a stop in front of Peter’s apartment, and he all but expects the boy to storm out of the car, slam the door behind him, proveriably as well as literally.  Tony wouldn’t blame him. A better man wouldn’t have put him in the position to begin with. He deserves whatever rage Peter wants to throw at him.

 

What Tony doesn’t expect is for Peter to _explode._

 

One second they’re sitting there, and Tony begins to reach over Peter to open his door because it’s been a moment, and in a blink, he’s being pulled into a kiss that’s more teeth than tongue, a bitten off moan leaving Peter’s mouth as he scrambles on top of Tony.

 

It’s like being caught in a supernova and Tony is on fire  because Peter’s here in his space, unrelenting, not even allowing for a single syllable to escape his mouth, no room for pause as he grinds down on Tony’s lap, dirty and hard.

 

One of Tony’s hands wraps around the boy’s neck, while the other grips Peter’s hip like it’s his anchor. Like if Tony let go now, he would float away into nowhere, that this would be another devastating dream.

 

Tony sucked a mark into the younger boy’s neck, desperate, knowing it’ll be gone by morning, along with everything else they shared.

  
  


+

 

They’re kissing like they can’t breathe, all the air in the room was trapped inside each other, and this was the only way to make it out alive. Peter realizes too late that he’s crying again, whimpering in between hot flashes of tongue, and Tony stops kissing him abruptly like he’s been burned, reeling back but Peter’s not letting him go far. Not now, they still have time, she think he’s sleeping.

 

He clings onto the collar of Tony’s shirt, presses his forehead against the other man’s until they’re just gasping into each other’s mouths, almost kissing but not quite. Tony wipes the tears shining on his face, a soothing motion that just makes Peter cry harder.

 

“Peter--” Tony starts, but Peter shifts his hips over the older man’s lap, pressing down into the growing hardness. Tony’s hands tighten on his hips, trying to stop him to no avail because Peter’s stronger, the spider sense cruel in that Tony’s hands might as well be made out of paper. This was one fight Peter was going to win, Tony had said what he needed to, now it was his turn.

 

“I want you to fuck me.”  Peter surprises himself with how deeply he means it,  despite the waver in his voice from the crying. Tony’s just looking at him, something dangerous in his eye barely restrained.   “Please Mr. Stark, fuck me, fuck me, _fuck me._ ” He says in between biting kisses, hips moving on their own accord, and Peter is so hard and so sad, but he needs this. He wants this. Always will.

 

_Tony, please._

 

+

 

Tony knows he’s going to hell. There’s no other explanation for this, for the fact that he’s got a crying teenager asking him to be fucked, and Tony’s genuinely thinking about it because he’s so hard it hurts.  He’s weak, Peter was supposed to be the strong one, to leave with his dignity attached.

 

It’s heartbreaking the way Peter’’s eyes are red from crying but he keeps kissing Tony anywhere he can, mouth, cheekbones, jaw, neck, fingers unbuttoning his shirt in between small whimpers, all saying what he said moments ago, _fuck me please fuck me, fuck me._

 

“You gotta stop crying, kid” Tony finally says, and his voice feels stripped raw.  

 

“Okay Mr. Stark. ” Peter says, sitting back on Tony’s lap and taking off his shirt to wipe away at the snot and tears, and god, how is Tony making things worse?

 

Because Peter’s here, shirtless, mouth red and swollen from kissing, strong thighs caging Tony in despite the sharp redness in his eyes, despite the pain and anger simmering where Tony had once seen adoration. And he’s so beautiful like this, nipples already hard just from making out, and a wet spot growing on the dark of his sweatpants,  still wanting Tony so openly despite how much he’d been hurt at the diner.

 

Peter drops the shirt on the floor, leans forward till his eyes are level with Tony’s, licking the words into Tony’s tongue, “Please, Mr. Stark, if you’re gonna leave anyway, at least give me that.”

 

Tony wants nothing more than to fuck him into the backseat of his car, to make a mess all over the interior.  But he didn’t want that for Peter, not this memory, the kid deserved a bed. Deserved Tony’s thousand dollar sheets and rose petals and champagne. He wasn’t going to let Peter cheapen himself like this.

 

“I’m not gonna let your first time be in the back of a car.” Tony manages to say, more bitter than expected. He tries to push Peter off, because sex isn’t going to change anything, isn’t going to stop him from leaving, Peter’s worth more than that. If he doesn’t think that, then he’s more of a kid than Tony thought --

 

“You don’t get to tell me what I do and don’t deserve.”  Peter’s radiating anger and Tony can’t move because Peter’s forearm is pushing him into the leather seats and he always forgets Peter’s stronger than him, and fuck it shouldn’t be as hot as it is but Tony’s dick twitches in response.  

 

“Oh Peter, I think you’ll find that I do” Tony lets a little loose of his own aggression, because he might not have super spider strength but he still knows how to make Peter lose it.

 

Peter’s not budging though, despite the shiver that ran through him at seeing Tony’s anger. “Fuck your rules, I don’t care that I’m not 17, at least I know what I want unlike you”

  
  


+

 

“Peter, just shut up.” Tony says, and he can feel the rage in the other man’s voice, and it feels so _good_. So good to know he’s not alone in this, and Peter can’t help but lean in closer, almost kissing the words into Tony’s mouth, “Make me, Mr. Stark. “

 

Peter doesn’t know where his confidence is coming from, but it makes him blind to the moment where Tony breaks.

 

He doesn’t expect for Tony to bite his lower lip, drag it in between his teeth and worry it until Peter swears he’ll taste blood. Doesn’t expect how much it just does for him and his forearm slips before he can catch himself, and Tony’s got both of his hands pinned behind his back before he can gasp “Mr. Stark”, teeth grazing Peter’s throat, animalistic.

 

+

 

Tony’s head is spinning, because he can’t think about anything outside of Peter, his mouth, his throat, his body pressed up against him, the wrists in his hand that could break his hold anytime he wanted to but won’t because he’s wants to be good for Tony.

 

“You want me to fuck you, baby?”

 

“Yes, please yes, _Tony_ ”

 

“That’s sir to you”, and Peter whines, a sound that goes straight to Tony’s dick, and he’s perfect, even like this in the backseat of his car. “On your knees kid, keep your hands behind your back. ”

 

Tony thanks that he’d picked a more spacious car than usual to pick Peter up, and the front seat adjusts automatically to give Peter just the right enough space to kneel in between Tony’s legs, head eye level with the tent in his pants.

Tony makes quick work of unbuckling his belt, and sliding his zipper down so Peter could see the outline of his dick in his boxers, and it’s so wrong, the hungry look in Peter’s eyes, the way his lips part on instinct, and Tony had rules he was supposed to be following.

 

“We can stop, you know.” Tony tries, and it’s like a last wish, and wonders if Peter can read between the lines, t _here’s no coming back from this point for us._

 

“No, no please sir, I want it”  Peter whines, struggling to get closer, till he’s almost mouthing Tony’s dick, and Tony feels frozen. _There were rules,_ he feebly tells himself, but then Peter looks up through his eyelashes, and begs _“Tony”_ and it’s all over.

 

+

 

Peter thinks he’s drooling, but he’s never been so turned on his life.

 

“Open up, sweetheart.” Tony says, as he slips a thumb inside Peter’s mouth, “Nice and warm, gonna be so good for me, aren’t you Peter.”

 

Peter moans around the finger in his mouth, sucking it with his cheeks hollowed, but wanting more. All the praise was going straight to his dick and he felt naked here in front of Mr. Stark, who was still pretty much fully clothed.

 

Tony was stroking himself in time to Peter’s mouth, the tip red and flush and Peter couldn’t take his eyes off of it. “See something you like?” Tony smirks out, and Peter loves this. Loves relenshing control, it blinds his mind to the anger and pain he was feeling moments ago, and now his mind was nothing but a chant of _Tony, Tony, Tony._

 

Tony’s thumb leaves his mouth, trails sticky over his lips, which are swollen pink already from their kisses, and lets his hand rest easy at the back of Peter’s head, carding through his hair.

 

“Open up, baby, and relax.” is all the warning Peter gets before Tony’s feeding his hard cock into Peter’s gasping mouth. His jaw stretches to accommodate how thick Tony is, spit drooling all over his chin, and he feels his eyes water as Tony finally stops when he hits the back of Peter’s throat.

 

Tony’s fingers tighten in his hair, and Peter moans, a low sound in his throat, and that has Tony’s hips stuttering, and his chest tightens at the intrusion, his dick leaking helplessly in his pants.

 

“Fuck baby, you look so good, your mouth was made for this. God, Peter” Tony groans, as he pulls Peter off his cock, to let him breathe for a moment.

 

Peter feels wrecked, they haven’t even started, and he feels closer than he’s ever been. The second Tony’s cock leaves his mouth, he’s begging again, “Please, Mr. Stark. Fuck me, fuck my mouth, sir. ” because it had felt right, right despite the fact that it was so, so wrong.

 

Tony doesn’t say anything, just pulls his hair till Peter’s got his mouth full again, and shallowly thrusts up. “This okay?” Tony asks and Peter wants to cry, because he’s being taken care of, even if they are in the backseat of the car and it’ll all be over soon. He hums in response, and Tony curses, as he thrusts again, erratic at first but slowly building up a rhythm that has Peter moaning along with the older man.

 

Peter can’t think, letting his mouth get fucked, as the sweet broken sentences of praise fall from Tony’s mouth, calling him a good boy, his good little slut, taking that cock so well, and he’s so gone he comes untouched. Tony thrusts up a little harder and it feels like he’s choking, and that’s all it takes for his body to spiral over the edge, and he’s moaning low as Tony pulls his mouth off till he’s gasping, air finally entering his lungs, throat burning in the best of ways.

 

“Did you come?” Tony asks, soft, other hand wiping at Peter’s spit slick mouth.

 

“Yes, sir, I’m sorry.” Peter rasps, and his voice sounds wet.

 

“Don’t apologize Peter, you did so good, you’re so perfect. God, didn’t even have to touch yourself, you’re beautiful baby.” Tony says and bends down to kiss him, a gentle contrast to what they’d just been doing.

 

+

 

“Wanna taste you though, Want you to come inside of me, Mr. Stark” Peter mumbles against Tony’s lips and Tony looks at the boy in front of him, leaning into his palm, looking at him with those eyes, that adoration that was crossing way past hero-worship the more time Tony spent with him.  It was delirious the trust that they shared, that was given to him so easily by Peter, and Tony knew he wasn’t going to last long.

 

“Of course sweetheart, anything you want.” Tony whispers back, giving him one last kiss before letting Peter’s mouth stretch over his cock again. He starts off shallow, letting the boy breathe a little in his post orgasmic state, before he’s losing restraint and fucking Peter like he meant it.

 

He was so close, had been close the second Peter had kissed him for the first time, and it doesn’t take long till he’s coming down the warm heat of Peter’s throat, all of which Peter swallows like it isn’t his first time doing this.

 

“God, “ he says, once it’s over, “God, Peter I’m sorry.”

 

+

 

Peter can still feel the taste of Tony in his mouth when the older man apologizes and immediately kisses him after, like he couldn’t choose between his words or his actions, confirming what Peter had thought, that Tony didn’t know at all what he was doing, that here was a man at war with himself.

 

He wants to be angry, knows that red rage of a feeling is still inside him somewhere, but when he looks at Tony cradling his face, eyes wet like Peter’s, all he feels is a deep longing, a sort of sadness he expects May felt once Ben had died.

 

“It’s okay you know, I wanted that, Mr. Stark.” He says, trying to soothe the man breaking in front of him, but all Tony could do was apologize again, “I’m sorry Peter, I’m so sorry.”

 

And it hits Peter, that he isn’t apologizing for what they’d just done, but for what was about to come after, the silence, the emptiness that would fill Peter once the ache in his jaw went away in the morning, the leaving.  He doesn’t know what to say to that, because he hadn’t been trying to save anything with what they’d just done, just hold on, for a couple more moments than they’d been allowed to, play with borrowed time.

 

So the next time Tony says “I’m sorry”, Peter apologizes straight back, and they look at each other for a long moment, in understanding, confusion, and pain.

 

In the distance, Peter sees the sun rise, and he kisses Tony one last time.

 

+

 

_When it’s over, it’s really over._

 

Tony deletes Peter’s number the second the car door shuts behind him.

 

It was done.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello this is new i usually do these at the beginning, but i think, we both needed to read that before you heard from my screeching self. i really didn't expect facefucking to be as emotional as it is, but yet here we are. honest to god, this chapter took a bite out of me in a way that i didn't really expect, so it might be a minute before i update again, but nothing too long, promise. i have an outline for these kind of thing now so we'll stay in track. 
> 
> anyway, i just wanna say thank you again. i never thought i'd be like a fic writer that makes it anywhere, but somehow 800+ of you have kudos'd me into thinking again. thank you for all the comments, i seriously can't imagine having better more incredible readers than the ones i do, and just as you refresh my fic to see if there's an update, i refresh the comments section to see if there's any more. i'm right there with you guys, thank you so much again. 
> 
> as always any comments, kudos, likes are appreciated. the next chapter'll be taking us more into the canon of homecoming so woo. 
> 
> this long mess of a chapter couldn't have been possible without fee, who aptly refers to me as her fic gremlin, because when am i not screaming about this fic and/or how much i love her? thank you for loving me, as i am, semi serious fic writer and all. there aren't many girls who'll let me call them mr. stark when i need to.


	13. Peter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ll see you again. He repeats inside his head, I’ll see you again, I swear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi pals !!!! i am BACk with another chapter, this one is angsty and actually covers just a lot of feelings for Peter as we go dive into homecoming next, and isn't that long but is hopeful at the end. hooray for emotions !! and love !!! 
> 
> anyway as always, comments and kudos are very much appreciated, i am so shook that 900+ of you have liked this work, and even more have read it, and just what?!! i've been working on this story for a YEAR now and it still constantly thrills me to hear you all talking in the comments below :) 
> 
> big love to jaret for being my guy in the chair when it comes to this story, and falling in love with SYA as hopelessly as i did, this story is holding itself together thanks to you kiddo 
> 
> and as always, this chapter's dedicated to my favorite #1 super fan, fee, i love you more than words can allow and i remember a year ago i started writing this fic because i just wanted to impress you more than i already do and now here we are, 14k hits later. you make me possible, my love.

_You're getting on a plane_

_And travelling far away_

_You left me with the pain_

_I carry it everyday_

\-- Hold Me Down, Daniel Caesar

 

Peter notices the picture too late.

 

It's been a hazy couple of days. Peter knows it shouldn't really feel as dramatic as a breakup because they were really technically romantically together for like 3 days and Tony wasn’t anything like some high school crush and Peter should _just grow up_ , but it hurts. He’s sixteen and he’d just got his heart handed back to him for the first time. Sure he’s a superhero, but it’s still a lot to process, and his spider-senses keep tingling with phantom memories of Tony’s touches, constantly overwhelmed in the aftermath, his mind unable to focus on anything but the way Mr. Stark looked when he kissed Peter that one last time.

 

It’s August 10th and  he’d just come back from patrolling, not bothering to take off the suit knowing Aunt May was out with her therapy group and wouldn’t be back until dinner. On instinct, he heads into the kitchen for a snack, his usual post-patrol ritual but drops the bag of chips when his face lands on the photograph sitting on the dining table, a fresh vase of white flowers next to it.

 

His cherubic baby face stares back at him, happy as Mom and Dad posed with him in Central Park, and Peter realizes just what today is.

 

The anniversary of his parents death.

 

He feels tears spring at his eyes, not because they were dead, but because he’d forgotten. For the first time in 15 years, he’d forgotten that Mom and Dad had gone a trip and never come back. Forgotten that every year he never knew quite what to remember, he can barely remember their faces when he’s not staring at the one photo they have of them as a family. _Family, what family?_ It feels like a strange word to Peter, more like a convincing lie he tells himself everyday to keep the waves of anxiety at bay, because for as long as he could remember Peter never felt like he really belonged anywhere, and every year August 10th feels more and more like a homage to strangers than his own parents. This year had been the first year he’s forgotten, and he wants to blame it all on Tony and the mess of last weekend, but he knows deep down, this was coming. This would’ve happened some day, some year, and at least he had May to remind him now with this picture.  He never really knew them, and he knows he should miss them more anyway but all Peter holds is an empty feeling when he looks at the picture. That’s what hurts every year, not the loss, but the loneliness that it had left him with.

 

It had been worse in the early years with Ben and May, when kids in kindergarten would draw their mom and dad in brightly colored crayola and Peter would stare at his blank paper, unable to understand why parent-teacher night had to be a thing all through elementary school. It would always be hard because kids would ask him why his ‘mom’ looked so young, and he’d have to explain that it was his Aunt and they never said anything after that, their eyes did the talking.

 

He’d been alone, kept to himself on the playground, until Flash had decided to enter his life, and I guess with a name like Eugene you had to become the bully before others caught on that they could hurt you easily too.  Suddenly Peter wasn’t just the orphan nerd, he was _Penis_ Parker, and the sad stares turned harsher, he was more than different, he was a _freak,_ thanks to Flash who would point out the holes in his jeans and push Peter into lockers, bathrooms, walls, the gravel out in the school courtyard constantly. It was relentless, and the bruises just became easier and easier to hide, until Ben found out, speechless at the constellation of blue and purple on Peter’s ribs, when he came home after a particularly bad day on the playground, limping slightly. Peter still doesn’t know why he decided to show Ben that day, _they aren’t your parents, they don’t have to take care of you like this_ , his brain had hissed, but some part of him had hoped that he could pretend enough.  Hoped in vain because the first thing Ben had said was _I wish your Dad were here, he’d know what to do_ , and Peter was crying, crying harder than he had at the funeral as a baby.  May had been different when Ben had told her, Peter had begged him not to because it was _May_ , but it couldn’t have been helped. She would’ve found out one way or the other. Regardless, the principal had gotten a seething call the very next day and they ate Peter’s favorite thai for a straight week while his bruises faded.

 

That had helped, the school upping it’s anti-bullying policies, and Ned had come along not too soon after, first day of eighth grade wearing an Iron Man shirt and Peter had all but tripped over his shoes talking to him about legos and superheros and science. Ned was smart and loyal and  Aunt May loved him, so as first real crushes go Peter could’ve done worse. They’d been each other’s first kisses half as a joke to Ned, half as something very real to Peter, only to realize that not everyone liked boys and girls the way he did once Ned gushed about how he couldn’t wait to kiss Lisa now that he’d practiced with Peter. “It’ll be my real first kiss!” Ned had said exactly and Peter had frowned, heartstuck and confused.  It’d been a weird week of internet googling to understand that not everyone was _bisexual_ like him and that his best friend was straight and could never want Peter the same way he wanted him. He’d told Ben and May over dinner, and they’d been more than supportive about the whole affair, even binge watched rom coms with him like it was some break-up even though Peter wasn’t really losing anyone, but it had been worth it to see Ben cry during the Notebook.

 

He was about to start high school and they felt like a real family sometimes, Peter thought _at least I  have this._

 

But then Ben had died and Peter found the body,  the rage and sadness from that day only amplifying with his powers. May had become a shell of the person she once was, and it’d taken hours of therapy for her to come back again. Hours of therapy with money they didn’t have, but Peter had dipped into what little his parents had left him because she was all that he had left at the end of the day. Him and May.  Still it was never the same, and the loneliness came clawing back just as hard, until one day he stopped a bus with his bare hands and all of a sudden Tony Stark was in his bedroom, talking to him about Spiderman, in the flesh and blood with those damn honey almond eyes.

 

 _Iron Man_ looking at his Iron Man Poster and smiling, t _he universe doesn’t make bargains,_ Peter tried to remind himself, _the universe doesn’t owe you anything_ , but it was _Tony Stark_ in his bedroom and it felt more cosmic than that morning he woke up his powers. It felt like a reason, a sign, that all the loneliness  wasn’t in vain but rather it was penance, penance to pay to get to him.

 

From that first time in the elevator when Tony had looked at him, like _really looked_ at Peter to this weekend when he’d swallowed Tony down in the backseat of an expensive self-driving car, tears still wet on his face, and no matter the ache it left in him now, no matter the emptiness that filled him from that last conversation, Peter knew he would do it again in a heartbeat.  No matter that Tony hadn’t been anything at all like he’d really imagined but even better because he was real, no matter that this meant the highs were higher and the lows were lower, no matter Peter was hurting and Tony had to leave, because Peter would do it all again. He couldn’t forget the hours they spent on the phone, talking each other down from the anxiety of being each other or just laughing about science and things that no one else could really understand, even if he tried. He couldn’t forget what it felt like to kiss him for the first time, the last time, the way it felt to just look someone in the eyes and _know._  

 

While he had liked the hallucination, Peter had fallen for the real man almost instantly. It couldn’t have been helped. There was just something there that he still didn’t have words for, and some part of him thinks, he might never really be able to explain the extent of his devotion.

 

And as he sat at his dining table, staring at the picture of his parents who he had no say in losing, Peter promises himself he wasn’t going to let Tony go that easily.

  
_I’ll see you again._ He repeats inside his head, _I’ll see you again, I swear._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will take us into homecoming i PROMISE! i mean really it's happening now, because september is when that canon starts so WOOO!!! here we go guys!!
> 
> as always kudos/comments/bookmarks make me supah happy and i love reading what y'all think and more than that a big big big big hug to all of you who've read this far because it's been a FULL FUCKING YEAR and this fic could not be what it is without each and every single one of you thank you <3 #happySYAanniversary y'all 
> 
> also i have a tumblr now, starkerplease.tumblr.com, so incase you want to follow and ask me more questions about the story or do tumblr story like things or just want to drop me a line please go for it ! i'll have a SYA again tag set up soon as well with some pictures and more thoughts and stuff for this fic :))))


	14. Peter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a period of change, with Peter growing into his powers and high school, but a lot of the details stayed familiar. He was still a nerd, Flash was still a dick, Ned was still his best friend, and Tony was still --
> 
>  
> 
> Still gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay wow hello my dear lovely wonderful readers, we are back with a fun chapter that takes us into homecoming. this one has a slightly kinder dosage of angst, and some bonus laughs in there for the ones that catch it, along with a cute head canon that my darling beta, Jaret, and I came up with in a spontaneous moment. 
> 
> thank you to all of you who continue to read and comment and kudos, even tho the last few chapters have been so *sad*, but i promise you this fic has a happy and domestic ending in the works if i have anything to say about it but um yeah, it's just getting there that's the challenge. 
> 
> big love to the best beta ever who also happens to be my best friend in the entire world, my one and only platonic soulmate, jaret, this fic is becoming as much yours as it is mine, and i am grateful for every moment. 
> 
> dedicated to fee, as always, because i don't know any better and don't want to. i hope this makes you smile, my love.

_ You thought you had me, didn't you? _

_ When you lied to my face, I could see the truth _

_ With every step with the way I knew _

_ How you fooled me, boo _

\- Entertainer, ZAYN

 

Sophomore year starts with the kind of rush of any new school year, except Peter’s a lot less afraid this September than before, more in control with his powers and school is a little easier to navigate considering Ned and him are no longer at the bottom of the high school ladder as freshmen, which meant actual seats during lunch and a smaller likelihood of getting pushed into lockers. 

 

It was a period of change, with Peter growing into his powers and high school, but a lot of the details stayed familiar. He was still a nerd, Flash was still a dick, Ned was still his best friend, and Tony was still -- 

 

Still gone. 

 

Mr. Stark probably didn’t know that August 10th had been the day that Peter’s parents died, or at least that’s what Peter tells himself when he sees the official email. It was from Tony’s Stark Industry account saying Peter wouldn’t be able to access his private line anymore and that all his patrol reports would have to go through Happy from now on. Tony would still keep an eye on him, just distantly as his current priority is company business.

 

_ It’s nothing personal, Mr. Parker. Good luck with the upcoming school year.  _

 

The  _ this wasn’t my idea  _ went unsaid without a question. Peter didn’t have to read the email twice to know that Tony hadn’t really written it, that there was probably a meeting where some poor confused PR intern had handed Tony a draft that he’d carelessly typed into the computer, the numbness obvious in the word choice. 

 

Peter hadn’t cried, just responded to the email with a “Thank you for telling me, Mr. Stark. Safe travels” and patrolled through the night until the sun rose, anger dissipating with each leap off a high rise building. There was the thrill that came with being a superhero, but then there was the fact that Spiderman felt like the one anchor Peter had left to the man. The suit was one of Tony’s handmade creations, and Peter wondered if Tony ever saw what he did through the interface. It felt nice to test the suit, to push him and the body of armor Tony had gifted him to the limit, to see how far Peter could go till he broke. Everytime the suit surprised Peter by swallowing a punch that would’ve bruised like hell in Peter’s makeshift suit, it reminded him that Tony, no matter what was going on his head right now, still cared.  _ You’re still here somewhere, _ he would think before putting the mask on and falling into the night. 

 

He hadn’t cried at the email, maybe this was what they meant by progress. 

 

Peter knew he was kind of lying to himself (like Tony had lied at the diner, except nobody was here to kiss him through it this time) because he could feel the impulsiveness growing, the restless hollowness that followed Peter in the wake of Tony’s absence. It wasn’t as bad when Ben had died in June or when the powers had first arrived that December, but Peter wasn’t still totally himself. He was running on fumes, and his normal school life was taking a hit. As easy as it was to pretend that he was fine in the Spider suit, it was that much harder to pretend he was fine when he was just Peter Parker. Peter hadn’t understood the true weight of living two lives until the Avengers had gotten involved. 

 

He’d quit band the same day Tony had sent him the shitty email and asked to be moved to an alternate for Decathalon, and while Liz had refused to let him, his band director director didn’t question it. Peter had never been quite good at instruments once his powers came in, all the constant noise during practice would give him a headache. It was something that needed to be done, but instead of headaches he just came home with bruises, all that extra time he’d spent perfecting the french horn or at practice was now all directly going into his patrolling. 

 

Band practice was another normal kid thing that Peter didn’t have the luxury of anymore. He knew if Tony found out he’d make Peter specially crafted ear plugs before even bringing up that he quit band, and if he knew Peter did it so he could patrol more, Tony would freak out.

 

_ You’re a kid,  _ it’d been a month and Peter still remembers his voice like it was yesterday. 

 

+

  
  


Life was pretty normal, considering everything, and Peter was settling into a more routine version of Spiderman easier and easier with each patrol. He’d never been so grateful to be taking AP chemistry as a sophomore than before, and sure he’s got more than a normal amount of coursework, but Peter had practically perfected the art of making his web fluid in class at this point. 

 

Sure, maybe he’d gotten a bit flashier, he was almost always trending on Youtube, and as the views piled up, all he hoped was that maybe Mr. Stark was one of them. 

 

He kept updating Happy on his patrols, which was mostly just paragraphs and paragraphs of unanswered texts and short, angry phone calls when Happy  _ did  _ pick up. It had hurt at first, because he knew Tony couldn’t be there, but Happy seemed so uninterested at first it felt a tiny bit offensive, because sure Peter wasn’t like a cool teenager, but he’s still a  _ superhero. _ In a fit of frustration, Peter had gone a week at the end of the summer without updating Happy on his patrols, just to see if the other man would even notice, but he’d gotten a call on day 7 where Happy had told him, less annoyed than usual, that  _ the boss  _ requires an update everyday, and so while he may seem like he doesn’t take Peter seriously, all of the texts and phone call recordings and voicemails are something Tony and his AI both look over in detail. “I can’t respond all the time, because that’s not my job to listen to every tiny little thing but I promise you are being watched kid, so don’t pull this shit again. Mr. Stark expects reports on every patrol.” 

 

_ I promise you are being watched.  _

 

Peter had searched the suit for cameras for the first time that night, hands eager after thwarting a grand theft auto situation that had gone surprisingly well. It’d been a good night, but the only thing that would make it better would be if he found something, some sort of physical proof that yes, Tony was watching him, could see him right now if he wanted. He decompressed the suit,  not even bothering to take the mask off, and turned the soft material in his hands -- it had shocked him at first, just how soft the suit was, softer than the onesie somehow, and it should seem impossible, for something that was easily admissible as a weapon, to be this gentle to touch -- but could find no visible tech peeking out. Maybe Ned could have helped, if he’d known, with the programming knowledge he had, but that would mean being honest and well, Peter doesn’t do that anymore. 

 

He bounced back on his bed,  suit forgotten on his desk, too tired to put it away from now. He’d hoped to find something, it’d be nice to think that Tony was watching, that Tony was still here, and Peter’s spider sense tensed with the memories. It was strange, he thought the feeling would go away, but there must be something about quantum entanglement that was further amplified with his powers. It’s been weeks but he could still feel the bare shadow of Tony’s stubble across his jaw, the remnants of calloused fingers around his neck, the sharp pull of teeth where there was nothing. Peter’s brain knew physics though, knew that actual quantum entanglement was impossible for humans to have, but the desolate romantic in him just really wanted to believe he and Tony had a connection that transcended the laws of physics.

 

“God I sound like a hallmark card.” Peter groaned, talking to no one in particular. It’d been weeks and he felt just as hopeless as when he’d walked up those stairs that morning after Tony had left, shirtless and with hickeys that were already starting to fade.  

 

When he got off that night, he wondered if it ever got any easier. Whether one day he’d be able to stop calling out for Tony at night, to stop needing someone so damn much. It was only after he’d come down from groaning “ _ Mr. Stark _ ” into his pillow again that he realized he’d left the mask on.  He knows logically Tony’s probably not watching, that if anything there’d be a feed only if the rest of the suit was on, for spider fighting purposes only, because that’s what their relationship was now.  _ Purely professional _ .  

 

But Peter _missed_ _him_ , missed being wanted with that smirk, that fucking attitude and can’t stop himself from pretending that Mr. Stark wasn’t as perfect as Pepper wanted him to be, and so he brings his stained hand up into the mask’s periphery, the words floating out of his mouth before he could think otherwise, “I wish you were watching.”

 

He pulled the mask of his head soon after, the  _ i still want you _ going unsaid.

 

+

 

September had arrived with insomnia and long hours in spandex and  _ Liz _ .

 

Pure, untouchable, senior decathlon captain in a mini skirt that’s just the right amount of short, Liz. At first it was casual glances at lunch, which Peter had allowed himself knowing Ned was as equally obsessed & MJ was equally unamused. It was another thing they all could talk about, another thing Peter could use to distract himself with.

 

Liz was tall and fit and had eyes that were large and framed with lashes that would’ve given Peter a heart attack a year before. She was smart too, no denying it, but what drew Peter to her wasn’t that she could keep up with him in decathlon practice, but because she was rich and gorgeous and had legs that would make any guy turn his head. The prettiest girl in the senior class, without a doubt. 

 

In all honesty, Peter was obsessed because she was _ beautiful _ , beautiful enough to maybe even make Tony Stark jealous.

 

So yeah, Peter Parker has a “crush” on Liz.

 

+

 

It isn’t easy though, despite all the distractions Peter hears Tony’s name too often with Flash constantly using Peter’s  _ Stark Internship  _ cover up as a target for his latest insults. It’s the only viable excuse Peter has to get out Decathlon practice to patrol, and though it stings to see Mr. Harrington disappointed when he drops out from the trip to D.C , Peter just adds it to the list of things he’s  lost since Tony left.

 

If Peter had his way, he’d skip school altogether, spend all of his time in that damn suit, as Spider-Man, because it was the only thing in his life that felt like it made any sense. 

 

Nobody loved Peter Parker, but god did New York love Spider-Man. And Peter was finding out that he would take that any day even if it meant failing his Spanish quiz.

 

+

 

The bank robbery was supposed to be easy, I mean they were dressed up in Avengers masks and if anything that had made Peter laugh. It had been a nice surprise, not as nice as the lady who’d bought him a churro earlier during his patrol, but still pretty nice. He’s pretty sure he had a better version of that Iron Man mask at home, a fact that made him blush underneath his own mask in a stinging way, remembering that night all those years ago he’d met Tony for the first time without really knowing then what he knew now. 

 

Anyway apparently Party City hadn’t monopolized on Spider-Man yet, since he only counted Thor, Hulk, Iron Man, and Captain America. It’d been easy, the web shooters doing their job, until he was _ yeeted into the ceiling  _ for lack of a better term, because really nothing shocks him anymore but alien tech? In Queens? That’s unpredictable in a whole new way.

 

It hadn’t been a win, he’d only just gotten Murph out of the fire in time, and that’d been traumatizing enough seeing his former pet almost burn alive, and he hoped he’d disguised his voice enough so Mr. Delmar didn’t recognize him.  

 

Happy had only just picked up when Peter had called, using his  _ I’m barely listening _ voice which was the last thing Peter really wanted to hear right now, or thought so, until Happy casually mentioned that Tony was moving upstate. 

 

He hadn’t meant to ask so blatantly, “But what about me?” but Peter was already dealing with the after effects of putting his spider sense through several almost death scenarios and so sue him if he was being a little anxious and needy tonight. 

 

Of course Happy wasn’t having it, snaps back “What about you?” and Peter tries to school his voice into something more appropriate to hide the slew of abandonment issues the very fact of the move had triggered, when he asks “ Well, what if Mr. Stark needs me or something big goes down?” And when he doesn’t get an immediate reply, the fear wins out and he begs, “ _ Can I please talk to Mr. Stark? _ ” 

 

It’s a last ditch attempt and he’s standing besides the dumpster that his backpack should’ve been attached to, cursing out loud, which happens to be the moment that Happy starts listening to him and Peter’s too tired to even keep up the charade, so when Happy says “Feel free not to.” he hangs up and vows to figure the alien tech situation out on his own. 

 

Peter swung back home fast after that, the fact that Tony would be farther away from him than he already was joining the clawing ache of failure at the back of his throat, of realizing that he wasn’t a super soldier or Iron Man, just a damn  _ spider  _ and there might be the day he wouldn’t be able to save everyone. No one had gotten hurt tonight but Peter had burned Mr. Delmar’s store to ground, and even though Spider-Man fucked up, Peter Parker was the one who had to live with the guilt of hurting the man, especially after knowing how he’d been there for May and him after Ben had died, how Murph had almost been his cat once too, and even after May had ended things, how the man had been beyond nice to Peter, offering him odd jobs and free sandwiches whenever he could. 

 

It was this guilt that clouded his view as he crept into his room, wanting nothing more than to cry into his bottom bunk, that he failed to notice the shadow in his periphery until it was too late. 

 

_ “You’re the Spiderman from youtube”  _ Ned’s voice cracks and Peter’s heard it go through puberty, heard it every morning since he was thirteen years old but it’s the last sound he wants to hear when he closes the door and turns around, very much obviously still in his  _ spidersuit _ . 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright!!! next update will be coming sometime, but in between if you are missing or needing more of that sweet sweet peter/tony fic i spend an awful lot of time procrastinating this angst by writing sensitive and sexy fluff that you can find and read [ right here](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1091361) !!!
> 
> Also for you super readers out there, the headcanon I put in here was that Mr. Delmar actually dated May for a hot second (post civil-war probably) and overall is just a great fucking guy to the Parker's and that's why he still asks about May whenever Peter comes over to the store, and also Peter is super familiar with the cat, Murph, because Delmar got him when he was dating May and Peter got to name the cat because Mr. Delmar is just that kind of good neighbor guy, and Peter like the physics nerd he is, named Murph after Murphy's Law and I want to thank the academy and mostly Jaret for helping me come up with this random nonsensical but totally adorable detail that is now part of my fic-verse. as you can tell, i care a whole fucking lot. 
> 
> as always comments/kudos are appreciated, i love all of you guys so fucking much y'all don't even know, just know i read every single one and it's like the highest honor to hear what you all have to say as a writer. 
> 
> also my tumblr is [ starkerplease ](https://starkerplease.tumblr.com) and you can follow [ the fic playlist on spotify here ](https://open.spotify.com/user/armeeyah/playlist/1EkbSdEcyo5L3vPsTvlKnw?si=dfY3D8TOQIKIW0BcdBKxaA) !!! i love you guys :)


	15. Peter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was always hungry, ever since the spider bite, but the background anxiety of the fact that someone other than Tony knew about his superhero identity was enough to kill his appetite, even if that somebody was his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, A THOUSAND KUDOS!!!?!?! CAN I JUST TAKE A MOMENT AND SAY ONE FUCKING THOUSAND PEOPLE HAVE LIKED THIS DAMN STORY (probably more because of all the hits and everything) BUT HOLY SHIT OKAY. i just, what?! i want to say thank you a million times for each one of you, because you have no clue how great it was to notice that's how far this fic has come.
> 
> as always, comments and kudos are so so so appreciated, and i swear y'all i'm the luckiest writer in the entire goddamn world also i feel like it's been a damn year and a thousand kudos so you should know my name, but i go by A, and my pronouns are she/her and i go to college in the U.S.A and while i'm not being a math & econ major, i am a flaming bisexual poet person!!
> 
> big love to my beta jaret, as always, and i can't wait to see you soon kid, so we can celebrate this fic and one thousand kudos with dinner and all the damn hugs
> 
> dedicated to the one who waited for this chapter and all the other ones, fee

_ I got a lot I wanna say to you _

_ Hate that I could never measure up _

_ Hate that I could never be the one you needed _

_ ‘Cause now I’m the one who needs you _

\-- Come See About Me, Nicki Minaj

  
  


Peter is quite literally living out one of his worst case scenarios, and he’s just as mentally unequipped to handle this as he does in his nightmares. 

 

“I’m not, I’m not” Peter scrambles, hitting the emblem on his chest, because Ned had dropped the Death Star and loud noises were something that set May off instantly, ever since everything that happened with Ben, and oh god,  _ Ned can’t know Ned can’t know fuck. _

 

“You were on the  _ ceiling. _ ” And Peter’s confused whether Ned’s scared or shocked or both, because well Peter’s definitely both and he’s never done well in high stress social situations so he just whisper yells, “ _ Ned _ what you are you doing in my room!?”

 

“Well May let me in! You said we’d finish the Death Star -- ” 

 

_ Right I promised you at lunch _ , and Peter feels guilty, because the white lies were catching up with him. Lying was one part of Peter’s life that the spider bite had ruined if anything, and it still surprises him that somehow May doesn’t know.  _ Right, May.  _

 

“You can’t just bust into my room --”   
  


If it wasn’t for Peter’s spider sense, he wouldn’t have kicked his spider suit behind him just as May opened the door, realizing a little too late as he felt Ned’s shallow breath on his bare shoulder just what this looked like. 

 

When May invited Ned to dinner which Peter aggressively refused on behalf of him, only to eye Peter’s shirtless form and let out a not so subtle “maybe put on some clothes”, Peter can tell she’s trying not to wink, can already hear the uncomfortable  _ you can tell me if you’re experimenting again Peter _ and that awkward talk about boundaries and sex and  _ you can tell me anything, munchkin. _

 

Honestly, rather May think he’s hooking up with Ned than find the truth about Spider-Man. 

 

He tires to morph his face into a state of gay panic, and when the door finally closes Peter immediately reaches for a long sleeved shirt putting some needed distance between Ned and him, not because he wasn’t comfortable in his bisexuality but because  _ his best friend just found out Peter’s part spider.  _

 

“SHE DOESN’T KNOW?” Ned’s voice breaks through and Peter’s in full damage control mode. 

 

“ _ Nobody knows! _ ” Peter pauses, “Well Mr. Stark knows because he made my suit, but that’s it.”

 

“ _Tony Stark MADE YOU THAT?_ ” Ned’s jaw drops, voice cracking in amazement, that brilliant, almost nauseating sense of surprise, and it reminds Peter of the first time he saw Mr. Stark in his living room, and the feeling of his stomach falling out at the other man, not aware then just exactly what he was getting into. 

 

“Are you an  _ Avenger” _ Ned asks, and Peter gasps, because really that’s a loaded question because of all the technicalities and him being a minor and also  _ Tony _ so he lies, stumbling a little, “Well- uh-  _ yeah,  _ basically.” 

 

Ned visibly shakes, gripping the frame of the top bunk, and it’s something out of a movie, his shock, and Peter will probably laugh about it later after his heart stops feeling like it’s going to beat right out his chest. 

  
“ _ You can’t tell anybody about this _ , you gotta keep it a secret.” 

 

“Secret why?” Ned interrupts, frowning and Peter hates that his voice cracks when he talks about it, a life without Spider-Man, but it’s his biggest fear and he can’t let it become his reality. 

 

“You know what she’s like-- if she finds out people try and kill me every single night, she’s  _ not going to let me do this anymore _ , Come on Ned  _ please _ ” 

 

“Okay, Okay, okay, okay okay, I’ll level with you” Ned pauses, and Peter hopes he gets it, that this can’t spill out in any way, “I don’t think I can keep this a secret this is the  _ greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, Peter --  _ ”  and Peter lets out a frustrated groan, this shouldn’t be so damn hard. 

  
“ _ NED _ , May cannot know I cannot do that to her right now,” Peter pauses for a moment, the  _ right now _ falling out by accident, as if he could imagine a day where he could be that brave to tell her,  “You know, with everything that’s happened with her -- I --  _ please _ ”

 

Ned must hear the desperation because he just looks at Peter with a slight tinge of disappointment and says, “Okay.”

  
“Just swear it, okay.” 

 

“I swear.” For the first time in the entire conversation, Peter feels like he can breathe for a moment, like his world isn’t going to tip off its axis, even though  _ Ned _ knows now.  

 

“Thank you.” 

  
“Yeah” Ned smiles and Peter wishes that it could be that simple, that the anxiety could dissipate and that he would feel better about how he has one less secret to hide from his best friend but after the night he’s had, he just feels overwhelmed. 

  
He felt only a slight twinge of guilt as he all but pushed Ned out of his room after explaining that  _ yes Ned, THIS is the Stark internship,  _ his head hitting the back of his door frame, eyes squeezed tight with a scream he couldn’t let out yet, because he’s still got to get dinner with May. 

 

She didn’t bring up Ned at dinner surprisingly enough, rather teasing him about his larb and Peter wishes he could offer her more than some small smiles, wishes he could be more of the nephew he was before his powers and Ben. It’s not that May and him had a poor relationship in any way, they’d always been close considering the size of the apartment, but the additional hours that Peter was forcing himself to put into patrolling weren’t doing wonders for their conversations.    
  
“I’m just stressed with the internship and I’m tired” Peter lied, somewhat smoothly as guilt finally overtook his own silence when May looked at him with those kind eyes, his hands fiddling with his chopsticks, food cold in front of him. He was always hungry, ever since the spider bite, but the background anxiety of the fact that someone other than Tony knew about his superhero identity was enough to kill his appetite, even if that somebody was his best friend. It’s not that Ned doesn’t mean well, Peter knows he does, but he’s also  _ Ned _ and his excitement and curiosity about things would always overwhelm any sound rational thought. He just hoped his best friend cared more about him than he did about Spider-Man.  

 

“The Stark Internship. I have to tell you,” May leans in, voice judgemental, and Peter had almost forgotten that they were having a conversation, “not a fan of that Tony Stark.” 

 

He couldn’t help but look up at the mention of the name, something pavolonian inside of him rearing it’s dirty head at hearing May talk about Tony in her soft reproachful tone, “Distracted all the time, he’s got you in your head.” 

 

The phrasing strikes Peter ironically, as a frown etches itself deeper in his forehead,  _ he’s got you in your head,  _  if his sweet aunt only knew the things that ran through Peter’s mind these days when it came to Mr. Stark, if she only knew about the different ways he’d screamed Tony’s name on the nights when she was working. 

  
“Trust your instincts” is all he hears  May say before he tunes out at himself on the news, along with the story of the attack, and he wonders if Tony’s watching. If he’s in a restaurant somewhere staring at that really awkward porta potty picture of Spider-Man, eyes narrowing as he takes in the explosion blast, the danger that Peter had recklessly put him in, the hitch in his breath when he hears that “miraculously no one was harmed.” Peter wonders if Tony thinks that’s enough reason to call him, to maybe order Happy to ask more questions on the next call instead of throwing insults at every single one of Peter’s stammers, to maybe fly from wherever he is to make sure his protege was still in one piece, that alien tech in Queens could be important enough for Tony Stark to warrant his attention towards Peter again. This is what Peter resolutely focuses on thinking about, that Tony is just waiting for a reason to come back and not doing everything in his power to turn away, to run  _ upstate _ , a full forty five minutes away from Peter who doesn’t have a car, would never be able to afford one anyway, who would then be forced to see the Mr. Stark only when he deemed appropriate. 

 

When May finally falls asleep that night, Peter aggressively ignores the burn of tears behind his eyes as he pulls on the spider suit with shaking hands, ignores how he has a chem test in seven hours, and swings himself to Avengers tower before he can stop himself. He sits on the ledge above the balcony, out of the shadow of any cameras because he doesn’t want Tony seeing him here, doesn’t want Tony to know that he’s half hard just from glancing at the glass doors that lead into the penthouse, even though he can’t see inside to the bedroom, to the alaskan king sized mattress and giant mirror hanging from the ceiling, to the memories of Tony’s mouth when he’s shouting Peter’s name. 

 

When Peter finally makes it back from his patrol, he’s got two hours to spare in an empty house and he forgoes all restraint once he hears the soft click of May locking up as she goes to work. Peter closes his eyes and lets himself be selfish.  

 

He webs the lube closer to him as he lays there naked and  sweaty on his back, the sun rising slowly in his periphery. It’s almost too easy to conjure up the images of another morning, of white sheets and kisses and the way Tony’s eyes had darkened when he looked down at Peter’s sleep stained face, the want written clear as day in the hardness hovering over Peter’s stomach.  Peter’s got one finger inside himself, soft groans echoing around the room as he imagines how the rest of that morning could have gone if Pepper hadn’t walked in, at how he could convince Tony to grind down dirty on him, talk in the language of hips and teeth and thigh muscle until Peter couldn’t hold back anymore, and it wouldn’t take long till he’s spilling onto the expensive sheets and Tony’s following suit in those tight, tight black boxers. He imagines the bite that Tony would leave as he loses it on top of him, of the stronghold of a palm around his neck dizzying him till his mind couldn’t think outside of anything but  _ Tony, Tony, Tony.  _

 

On the third one, Peter chants along, Tony’s name a broken long sound, and his hips rise to meet the awkward hot twist of his fingers, the stretch residing somewhere between pleasurable and not enough. Peter dreams about Tony flying in this morning in his Iron Man suit to berate Peter for his risky actions the night before, watches the man step out of the suit and into his bedroom to see Peter like this, stretched out and leaking all over his stomach, moaning  _ Mr. Stark  _ like it was simultaneously both a prayer and curse. Peter imagines that he’s good enough for Tony like this, that Spider-Man had finally pushed the right buttons to have Mr. Stark pick up again, to gain the privilege of his attention, and when Tony undoes his tie, to wrap around Peter’s eyes as he says “just one more time”, Peter swears he feels the silk behind the darkness of his eyelids, swears he feels the bed dip as someone’s mouth ghosts over his throat, the murmur of “so beautiful, so good for me” making him cry out as he finally finds that magic spot inside of him that makes him sees stars. His hips turn erratic, and he knows his thighs are shaking with the exertion, the bend of his arm bordering on painful as he imagines Tony’s responding groan to the image Peter encapsulated, of being so close but begging for just a little bit more, and as if answering his thoughts, Peter hears Tony say,  _ you’re just what I needed, god sweetheart, please come for me _ voice fucked-up and raw because Peter still does that to him, even though they haven’t talked for a full month, he’s still someone Tony thinks about, romantically, deliriously, unashamedly, and Peter spills untouched over his stomach, all but yelling Tony’s name as he does. 

 

He opens his eyes dizzy, alone on his bed, limbs trembling with the aftershocks of his orgasm, and blinks away the flash of white teeth, pink lips, and expensive sunglasses, shaking his head because it would be too easy to allow the hallucinations back into his life after all he had experienced with Tony, it would be too easy to settle for these selfish dreams.

 

As Peter trudged his way to the shower, the warm jet of water soothing his overworked muscles, forehead against the white tile, he finally lets himself cry from the weight of everything. The gut wrenching sobs leave his eyes red, and he’s on his knees, panic attack halfway caught in his lungs at the thought of losing someone again. He’d understood partially the weight of Tony’s absence, but  _ upstate _ , what a cruel surprise. He wishes Tony would have delivered the news at the diner, would have just laid it all out at once, hurt peter there and then, instead of stringing him along like this, with the suit and the patrols and being the only damn person in the entire world who knew all of Peter. Tony was the one person he never got the chance to lie to, and realized he never wanted to either, that Mr. Stark saw him in both parts, as Spider-Man and the nerdy high school kid who just wanted to fit in for once, wanted a family, a chance at something larger than him. Tony had listened and offered Peter so much, so much, only to take it away and Peter wishes he could find it in him to blame the older man but if anything he just felt sorry. Sorry that he couldn’t be worth something that Tony Stark would fight for, sorry that he wasn’t enough to make someone stay. 

 

Once Peter finally crawled his way out of the shower, hair damp and throat dry from crying, he thought back to the bank battle and the alien guns which had almost killed him, thought about how he took on four guys at once and made it out alive, and bitterly smiled despite the ache in his heart; Peter might need Tony, but Spider-Man sure as hell didn’t. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay hot note, i'm goin back to college (my second year!!) on tuesday and i'll be a lil busy and updates will probably be monthly/ every few weeks!! i'll try to make the chapters as long as possible, and my bff jaret (aka my beta) goes to school w me so we'll do our best to like work on this fic when we can :)) but yeah, the story isn't discontinued or anything (actually i've got the next like atleast six chapters planned out lmao) it'll just take a bit longer bc school!! and life !! 
> 
> i wanted to get this chapter out b4 all that hits me and also bc shitty mental health (i struggle with bipolar disorder ugh) is a real thing and also stress but i'm gonna do my best to write when i can!! your comments are so so encouraging, especially on days when i literally don't want to even get out of bed and much less write fic, they just serve as a reminder to bring me back to something i truly love to do. so keep the love flowing pals and gals and nonbinary zals! until i "see you again" (see what i DID THERE) your endlessly grateful author, A xox

**Author's Note:**

> comment and kudos are nice and always appreciated. do it so that you can see peter parker struggle with his Crush on Tony Stark. :))))


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